A funny thing happened on the way back from Lacie's...
Like most of us, I have a car and I drive it around. It's a pretty cool thing we grown-ups do, don't you think? And like you, fellow adult, I am constantly getting my driving buzz stepped on by traffic lights. Who enjoys having to stop at a red light? I mean really? But tonight a new thought came to my mind.
Red lights always turn green eventually.
When we're driving through life, God occasionally makes us come to a halt at one of His red lights. You're driving along, think you're doing great, minding the signs and the speed limits for the most part. You know, all the good driver stuff. Then boom, Christian driver buzz bombed. Red light. Stop. Wait. Grr.
Some lights are the automatic ones. You pull up to them, the light senses that you're there and it'll therefore change faster to comply to your needs of moving forward. Sometimes life is like that. God will set it up so that when you get to a certain point, you may have to stop and take a look around but He doesn't keep you waiting for long. These are the moments where life has actually been waiting for you, believe it or not. That does happen every now and then.
Some lights are timed. You must sit. And wait. And wait. And wait for the light to change. Sometimes you might be in a huge hurry. Sometimes you might have a certain destination in mind that you are absolutely dying to get to a.s.a.p. But nooo. You have to just sit there like a goob and wait for the light to change. In your mind, that light is out to get you. It hates you. It wants you to be unhappy. In reality, it's just you waiting on life to happen. And it's good to wait every so often. It's good. It may suck really badly but it's good.
Don't even think about running these red lights, automated or timed. Because as soon as you take things into your own hands, there'll be a freakin' big semi-truck that plows into you and you think "Why, oh why, did I ever think that would be a good idea?!"
Just wait for the light to change.
Because it always will.
You may have to wait a while.
Either for life to catch up with you.
Or the other way around.
But either way, it'll change.
What will surprise you is that once it changes, you may find yourself on a completely new or different road. But that's just the magic of God. He likes to do that sometimes. Personally, it freaks me out when He does stuff like that, but it's okay. Keep freaking me out, God. It's cool.
Just because you are stopped at a red light doesn't mean the journey is over.
It'll turn green eventually.
Patience.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
A New Leaf
Whoever said that miracles don't happen everyday is simply ignorant and I hope they find contentment soon. And whoever said that change is hard to come by is hiding from accomplishment.
If I could list all the ways that my life has been revolutionized in the past week and a half, your head might explode. Therefore, in thinking of you my readers, I will spare you. Cause I love you. And that love is part of my revolution. And I am wicked pumped about it.
I used to be...
a worry wort
a nervous wreck
a selfish being
a bad listener
a spoiled brat
a pitiful follower of Christ
I suppose that those bad characteristics still reside in me. In turning over a new leaf, no one becomes a "changed person" over night. However, I've learned to recognize my faults and start forcing myself into believing that there is so much more that life has to offer and in remaining poor at heart is simply not an option.
I gave God control.
The reason I could never figure life out...
The reason I was always so worried...
The reason I was frustrated...
The reason I felt alone and misunderstood...
Was because I was trying to do it all (life) myself.
And I simply can't. And I don't want to anymore. God wants our whole hearts. So in starting off the school year, I decided immediately that THAT was my new leaf.
Let go.
It's in His hands.
He loves you.
He won't forsake you.
So long as you keep your heart set on Him.
You have one life to live, which He gave you.
For God's sake (literally), LIVE IT!
Has it been an easy transition from tight-wad into care-free? Well, I'm taking baby steps. But knowing that God is with me makes those baby steps feel like marathons. I've only been taking on this new attitude for a week and a half and it's felt like all those months (and months and months) of being lost never even happened. And God keeps telling me that that's okay. Guilt and regret are simply not languages that God speaks. When you come back to Him, no matter your past, He'll take you back with open arms. That's how coming home is supposed to feel. And let me tell you, it feels so good to be home. I'm letting Him guide me. And He has done great things. And it has humbled me so much. I'm so small. Who am I that He should love me? That He should bless me? My heart is His now. He can do with it what He wishes. And as my good friend Whitney reminded me the other day, "perfect love casts out all fear." All I can think is "thank you thank you thank you" while mingling with a mixture of "Yes!" and "Yay!" I feel loved and all I can think to do is praise my Father.
And guess what the best part is? He loves you, too. This isn't about me anymore. It's all about Him. Since I turned over this new leaf, I haven't had a bad day. I don't tell you this to brag, I promise. I tell you this so that maybe you can be led in the way I was. Are you confused and looking for answers? I was for so long. I didn't understand life in general. Here's a quote that was in our school planner this week...
"I try to avoid looking forward or backward and try to keep looking upward."
-Charlotte Bronte
That's good advice. Look up. Give Him a smile. Let Him love you. Let Him bless you. Because He will. You just have to let Him in. Isn't that just the best news you've ever heard?!
Classes and plays will be enriching, I'm sure. But this year, my goal is to simply let go and live. And like I said before, the past week and a half of living that way has been amazing. Care to join me? Let's go jump around and act retarded for a little while. God appreciates celebration :)
(By the way, Happy Birthday Sherri Baby! She's my roommate and turns 21 today. Love you girl!)
If I could list all the ways that my life has been revolutionized in the past week and a half, your head might explode. Therefore, in thinking of you my readers, I will spare you. Cause I love you. And that love is part of my revolution. And I am wicked pumped about it.
I used to be...
a worry wort
a nervous wreck
a selfish being
a bad listener
a spoiled brat
a pitiful follower of Christ
I suppose that those bad characteristics still reside in me. In turning over a new leaf, no one becomes a "changed person" over night. However, I've learned to recognize my faults and start forcing myself into believing that there is so much more that life has to offer and in remaining poor at heart is simply not an option.
I gave God control.
The reason I could never figure life out...
The reason I was always so worried...
The reason I was frustrated...
The reason I felt alone and misunderstood...
Was because I was trying to do it all (life) myself.
And I simply can't. And I don't want to anymore. God wants our whole hearts. So in starting off the school year, I decided immediately that THAT was my new leaf.
Let go.
It's in His hands.
He loves you.
He won't forsake you.
So long as you keep your heart set on Him.
You have one life to live, which He gave you.
For God's sake (literally), LIVE IT!
Has it been an easy transition from tight-wad into care-free? Well, I'm taking baby steps. But knowing that God is with me makes those baby steps feel like marathons. I've only been taking on this new attitude for a week and a half and it's felt like all those months (and months and months) of being lost never even happened. And God keeps telling me that that's okay. Guilt and regret are simply not languages that God speaks. When you come back to Him, no matter your past, He'll take you back with open arms. That's how coming home is supposed to feel. And let me tell you, it feels so good to be home. I'm letting Him guide me. And He has done great things. And it has humbled me so much. I'm so small. Who am I that He should love me? That He should bless me? My heart is His now. He can do with it what He wishes. And as my good friend Whitney reminded me the other day, "perfect love casts out all fear." All I can think is "thank you thank you thank you" while mingling with a mixture of "Yes!" and "Yay!" I feel loved and all I can think to do is praise my Father.
And guess what the best part is? He loves you, too. This isn't about me anymore. It's all about Him. Since I turned over this new leaf, I haven't had a bad day. I don't tell you this to brag, I promise. I tell you this so that maybe you can be led in the way I was. Are you confused and looking for answers? I was for so long. I didn't understand life in general. Here's a quote that was in our school planner this week...
"I try to avoid looking forward or backward and try to keep looking upward."
-Charlotte Bronte
That's good advice. Look up. Give Him a smile. Let Him love you. Let Him bless you. Because He will. You just have to let Him in. Isn't that just the best news you've ever heard?!
Classes and plays will be enriching, I'm sure. But this year, my goal is to simply let go and live. And like I said before, the past week and a half of living that way has been amazing. Care to join me? Let's go jump around and act retarded for a little while. God appreciates celebration :)
(By the way, Happy Birthday Sherri Baby! She's my roommate and turns 21 today. Love you girl!)
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
[Waiting] is a Virtue
I'm not even a full day into my first school day of my senior year of college and already things are better. I can't express how relieved and happy I feel. Summer is over and a new chapter has begun. I'm not going to look at Senior Year as a "final chapter" even though it kind of is. I'm going to try really hard to keep looking at it as simply a fresh and potentially exciting ride into the rest of what is to come. And here's the key ingredient to what is keeping me going and happy: God is in control once again.
Over the last couple of years, I've found it very easy to simply run from God. Did I know I was being stupid? In the back of my mind, yes. In my heart, definitely. So why did I do it? I really don't know. All I know is that over the last couple of weeks, He has revealed things to me in his mysterious way that has truly shown me that things are going to be okay. Better than okay. But like He always does, He doesn't just come out and tell you these things plainly. It's all out there, but up to you to figure out. And I'm so daft most of the time, I never really know for sure if I've got it right. But that's where faith comes in. I'm tired of running. Now, not only am I running towards God, but I feel like I've already reached Him and He's giving me a big bear hug. It's a really sweet feeling. I love my Father.
Lately, being back on track and feeling good, God has wasted no time in trying to tell me what I need to know. As nice as it is to be hearing God, it is sometimes not always what you want to hear. Recently the theme I keep hearing/seeing/understanding is waiting. Wait on the Lord. That, my friend, is easier said than done. If you know me, you know that I am NOT a patient person. I want what I want and I want it NOW. And this credo is exactly what keeps getting me in trouble and keeps dampering my walk with God. I take things into my own hands and try to make it work. I keep forgetting that if I just put everything into God's hands, my life will be something so much better, I can't even wrap my brain around it. Why in the world would I not want a life as awesome as that? The only trouble is the waiting part. It's hard to wait on God to do His thing when you see things that you want for your life pretty much immediately. I was thinking today, "Man, if I could just have this one thing, I would do anything to get it. I would eat bugs or walk across hot coals. Whatever it took, I would do it!" But then I thought, "Would you be patient and wait on the Lord, Melanie?" Because honestly, that would probably be just as scary/challenging as any other daredevil task I could do. It's very scary to hold your horses and wait on God to work in your life. He works all the time, yes, but you know what I mean. Waiting on Him to reveal things to you so that you don't just act on your urges and end up in a bad place.
Months ago I prayed on a lake. "God, opens doors and give me the courage to walk through them." I still pray that same prayer. But now I need to add, "And give me also the strength to wait on you to open the right doors for me."
So what do I do in the meantime? I know myself well enough to know that if I'm stuck sitting in the giant waiting room of life for any extended period of time, I'll end up going insane. So I think the best thing to do is focus on being a better person. Like praying for other people. Being kind. Working on my relationship with God. Growing. And I think that's a pretty good way to bide my time.
So I'll wait for You. w00t.
Over the last couple of years, I've found it very easy to simply run from God. Did I know I was being stupid? In the back of my mind, yes. In my heart, definitely. So why did I do it? I really don't know. All I know is that over the last couple of weeks, He has revealed things to me in his mysterious way that has truly shown me that things are going to be okay. Better than okay. But like He always does, He doesn't just come out and tell you these things plainly. It's all out there, but up to you to figure out. And I'm so daft most of the time, I never really know for sure if I've got it right. But that's where faith comes in. I'm tired of running. Now, not only am I running towards God, but I feel like I've already reached Him and He's giving me a big bear hug. It's a really sweet feeling. I love my Father.
Lately, being back on track and feeling good, God has wasted no time in trying to tell me what I need to know. As nice as it is to be hearing God, it is sometimes not always what you want to hear. Recently the theme I keep hearing/seeing/understanding is waiting. Wait on the Lord. That, my friend, is easier said than done. If you know me, you know that I am NOT a patient person. I want what I want and I want it NOW. And this credo is exactly what keeps getting me in trouble and keeps dampering my walk with God. I take things into my own hands and try to make it work. I keep forgetting that if I just put everything into God's hands, my life will be something so much better, I can't even wrap my brain around it. Why in the world would I not want a life as awesome as that? The only trouble is the waiting part. It's hard to wait on God to do His thing when you see things that you want for your life pretty much immediately. I was thinking today, "Man, if I could just have this one thing, I would do anything to get it. I would eat bugs or walk across hot coals. Whatever it took, I would do it!" But then I thought, "Would you be patient and wait on the Lord, Melanie?" Because honestly, that would probably be just as scary/challenging as any other daredevil task I could do. It's very scary to hold your horses and wait on God to work in your life. He works all the time, yes, but you know what I mean. Waiting on Him to reveal things to you so that you don't just act on your urges and end up in a bad place.
Months ago I prayed on a lake. "God, opens doors and give me the courage to walk through them." I still pray that same prayer. But now I need to add, "And give me also the strength to wait on you to open the right doors for me."
So what do I do in the meantime? I know myself well enough to know that if I'm stuck sitting in the giant waiting room of life for any extended period of time, I'll end up going insane. So I think the best thing to do is focus on being a better person. Like praying for other people. Being kind. Working on my relationship with God. Growing. And I think that's a pretty good way to bide my time.
So I'll wait for You. w00t.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Six Months
Trust in earthly things, man will fail.
Trust in the Lord, man will succeed.
Oh, the fruits of facebook stalking.
I hate to have a bit of writer's block on my blog's six month anniversary.
I wish I had more to say.
I've enjoyed these last six months, despite hard times.
I learn a little something every day.
I don't mean to sound cliche, but I'm no longer a little girl.
I'm becoming the adult woman God means me to be.
Slowly but surely.
What will I learn tomorrow?
Time will tell.
Hang on, Dawson. It's going to be a bumpy life.
But for now here's to six more months, eh?
Trust in the Lord, man will succeed.
Oh, the fruits of facebook stalking.
I hate to have a bit of writer's block on my blog's six month anniversary.
I wish I had more to say.
I've enjoyed these last six months, despite hard times.
I learn a little something every day.
I don't mean to sound cliche, but I'm no longer a little girl.
I'm becoming the adult woman God means me to be.
Slowly but surely.
What will I learn tomorrow?
Time will tell.
Hang on, Dawson. It's going to be a bumpy life.
But for now here's to six more months, eh?
Friday, August 6, 2010
Hey...you! Yeah, you. I like you and I think you're swell.
Why is it so much easier to be brave when you have nothing to fear?
Tonight I was bored. So I got on Facebook, of course. I started looking at past status updates on my wall from earlier this summer. I was complaining about biology and sad about Sky Puppy dying. Then, right smack-dab in the middle of everything, I threw in this wonderful little status about how I was so ready for all the curve balls that life was going to throw at me. I was willing to take it all on. Everything. Including the unexpected.
How ready was I really?
Shortly after that was when I lost Ringo. And I'll confess something to you...I completely fell apart. I know it was just a cat, but it was the principle of the thing. When you live for 21 years and never lose a single thing that's close to you and then all of a sudden lose two biggies, it hurts. Bad. After that unexpected curve ball, I lost it. I mean, I didn't pray for like a week. I've had trouble sleeping. I never thought my faith to be so...fragile, you know? I always thought I was so strong. I never fully understood that verse in the Bible when Jesus says that anyone who has faith the size of a mustard seed can literally move a mountain. I used to think, SURELY I have faith the size of such a teeny weeny mustard seed!
There's no need to worry. My faith may be tiny in size but it remains strong in heart. I'm doing good again. I really am. It's just been kind of torture being at home this summer, especially after my classes have ended. There's nothing to do except sit around...thinking about thoughts...watching tv...reading books...getting on facebook and mulling around like a creeper. Sigh...sometimes I feel like I'm barely living. Especially when others out there are dealing with REAL problems.
Like I said in my last post, I feel like everyone I know has dealt with their own personal tragedies this summer. Some big, some small, some world-ending. My friends and family are, obviously, the most important people in my life. I sometimes wonder if I'm really being a good enough friend to all of them as they deserve. I yearn to be an encouraging person. I want everyone in my life to know how awesome I think they are and how lost I would be without them. Seriously. They're my rocks. My joy. I hope they know that. Truly.
This year I really want to get back to what I write as "interests" on this very blog.
"I love God. I love others. I love art."
Time to stop worrying. Time to forget about myself...you know, without stepping into dangerous territory. Maybe I can muster up a mustard seed...eventually.
Tonight I was bored. So I got on Facebook, of course. I started looking at past status updates on my wall from earlier this summer. I was complaining about biology and sad about Sky Puppy dying. Then, right smack-dab in the middle of everything, I threw in this wonderful little status about how I was so ready for all the curve balls that life was going to throw at me. I was willing to take it all on. Everything. Including the unexpected.
How ready was I really?
Shortly after that was when I lost Ringo. And I'll confess something to you...I completely fell apart. I know it was just a cat, but it was the principle of the thing. When you live for 21 years and never lose a single thing that's close to you and then all of a sudden lose two biggies, it hurts. Bad. After that unexpected curve ball, I lost it. I mean, I didn't pray for like a week. I've had trouble sleeping. I never thought my faith to be so...fragile, you know? I always thought I was so strong. I never fully understood that verse in the Bible when Jesus says that anyone who has faith the size of a mustard seed can literally move a mountain. I used to think, SURELY I have faith the size of such a teeny weeny mustard seed!
There's no need to worry. My faith may be tiny in size but it remains strong in heart. I'm doing good again. I really am. It's just been kind of torture being at home this summer, especially after my classes have ended. There's nothing to do except sit around...thinking about thoughts...watching tv...reading books...getting on facebook and mulling around like a creeper. Sigh...sometimes I feel like I'm barely living. Especially when others out there are dealing with REAL problems.
Like I said in my last post, I feel like everyone I know has dealt with their own personal tragedies this summer. Some big, some small, some world-ending. My friends and family are, obviously, the most important people in my life. I sometimes wonder if I'm really being a good enough friend to all of them as they deserve. I yearn to be an encouraging person. I want everyone in my life to know how awesome I think they are and how lost I would be without them. Seriously. They're my rocks. My joy. I hope they know that. Truly.
This year I really want to get back to what I write as "interests" on this very blog.
"I love God. I love others. I love art."
Time to stop worrying. Time to forget about myself...you know, without stepping into dangerous territory. Maybe I can muster up a mustard seed...eventually.
Friday, July 30, 2010
I'm Ready (for this summer to be over with, dang it)!
To everything there is a season. In this case, it is Season 4, episode 16 of Spongebob Squarepants.
Say what you will about that show. You may think it's stupid and a waste of time, but I want to chime in. I've been watching this show since I was a kid. Since 1999 (can you believe it's still on the air after over 10 years?). I still like to watch it every now and then when I need a good little pick-me-up because it's cute, silly, and (if you ask me) still hilarious.
Today, I was still feeling down. Looking back on blog posts, pretty much every post I've made this summer has been sad. And it's not because I'm a depressed, emo, the-sky-is-falling kinda person. It's just that a lot of bad stuff has happened this summer. And not just to me. Almost everyone I know has been dealing with their fair share of crapola this summer. It has sucked massively. There's no way around it. I was getting ready to go out today. I had some errands to run. I was feelin' kinda blue. Then the episode of Spongebob came on called "Best Day Ever." I sat down to watch it. And guess what kiddos? I learned something valuable. Cartoons are still teaching people important things. Who knew?
Spongebob's "Best Day Ever" was supposed to go as follows...
Go to work at his favorite place, the Krusty Krab
Go do some of his favorite sport, karate, with Sandy
Go jellyfishing, his favorite pastime, with Patrick
Then go see Squidward's clarinet recital that evening
What really ended up happening?
The Krusty Krab was infested by nematodes
Sandy had a leaky roof and couldn't play
Patrick broke his jellyfishing net
Spongebob lost his ticket to the concert and missed the whole thing
Expectations did not line up with reality for poor Spongebob. They rarely ever do for any of us. Things never play out the way we expect them to. There are always curve balls and winding roads that lead us to where we are truly supposed to be but getting there is never easy and NEVER how we expect it to be. Is that fair? No. Did Spongebob deserve his perfect little day? Of course he did. So do you. So do I. But is it going to happen the way we think it is? Sadly no. But we will in the end learn that we really can have the Best Day Ever if we just change our perspective. You know what else happened in Bikini Bottom on Spongebob's Best Day Ever?
He lured the nematodes away from the Krusty Krab
He fixed Sandy's leaky roof
He lent Patrick his brand new jellyfishing net
He fixed Squidward's broken clarinet reed
Spongebob helped all his friends. So you see, even when we think we are being deprived, we could be helping someone else have the best day ever. And in turn, that could help us end the day on a good note. And that's not too shabby of a feeling. I know this is not news to you. It really wasn't news to me either. But I just couldn't help but smile and share and let you know this...
Tragedy touches all of us. But so does peace.
I have had a bad summer. Good friends of mine have had a bad summer. You may have had a bad summer. I'm sorry. But don't feel blue for long. Spongebob fixes everything. No matter how stupid you may think he is.
Mr. Sun came out and he smiled at me.
Said it's gonna be a good one just wait and see
Jumped out of bed and I ran outside
Feeling so extra exstatified!
It's the Best Day Ever!
Friday, July 23, 2010
It's a [Wonderful] Life
I wish I could spout encouraging words to you right now. I wish I had the strength and the courage to wrap my simple mind around everything that has gone on this summer. I keep trying to count my blessings, but I can't seem to get past the clouds. Where is the silver lining? I know that I am blessed and I know that other people have problems, bigger problems. But pain is pain. Hurt is hurt. Heart break is heart break. It's all just shades of gray. So how do you sort it all out? How do you get happy again when all you want to do is crawl into bed then immediately want to get up and scream and start a project and not know how to finish a project and the world is turned on it's end... It's not the end of the world but...life just sucks sometimes. You know? I'm not trying to be discouraging. It's just a truth.
I'm usually a pretty optimistic person. I have faith that everything that happens happens for a reason. Then something happens that shakes your universe and questions everything you know. You start asking the questions that man has been asking himself since the dawn of time...
Why do bad things happen to good people?
What did I do to deserve this?
How do I get over this?
Who is going to help me?
Where should I go to get away from all these problems?
When does it stop?
They say if you ask yourself "Why?" over anything five times, the answer will be something along the lines of "I don't know" or "It's just the way it's supposed to be" or "That's just the way God wants it." There is no root explanation to why things happen in life. They just do and getting through the struggles is what leads us to our true humanity. But it's not a happy journey at all. It's really hard. You cry a lot. You ask "why" a lot. You build yourself up. Things tear you down. You build yourself back up again. But how many times can you get knocked down before you throw up your white flag in total surrender? I'm tired of licking on the Tootsie Pop. I'm ready to just bite right in and get to the good stuff. For heaven's sake, I want to get to the good stuff.
I lost my cat this week. He was eleven years old. I lost my dog just three weeks ago. Whenever I go out in my backyard, I'm flooded with memories of my precious dog. Whenever I'm inside my house, I'm bombarded with memories of my cat. I have no siblings; I'm an only child. For me growing up, these pets were my siblings. They kept me company all the time; they never left my side. They were my best little friends who were always there for me and always loved me. And now two of them are gone. Ringo was hit by a car. The bastards didn't even stop. They killed my cat, broke the hearts of my family and me, and had no clue. I hate those people. I have hate in my heart now and I don't like it. It's not welcome but it's making itself at home. And I have no earthly idea how to get rid of it, going back to the burning questions. Yes, these were only animals, but they were my family. They were my siblings. It hurts a lot to lose both of them so close together. It's not fair. I feel broken.
The night before last, the night after I lost Ringo, I watched It's a Wonderful Life for the first time in my life. It made me feel sad and happy at the same time. I keep thinking about George Bailey and his hard life. He sacrificed so much for the people in his life. He gave up his dreams for his family and friends so that they could have the good lives that they did. He worked so hard all his life and in the end, his troubles caught up to him in a big way. He started asking himself those burning questions. And in the end, he learned that all these people in his life that he felt so bogged down by were the ones that really needed him. Without him, they would be lost and miserable.
Today I was watching Friends Season 2. There's an episode where the gang is watching Old Yeller and Phoebe was ignorant of the real ending. Turns out, she didn't know the ending to a lot of sad movies. *Spoiler alert* She didn't know Old Yeller died. She didn't know E.T. left. She didn't know that Rocky lost the fight. She was devastated that all these good stories ended sadly. So Monica hands her a VHS copy of It's a Wonderful Life. She tells Phoebe to watch it, saying it will "restore her faith in humanity."
I also keep thinking about Job, the biblical character from the old testament. Job had it all. He was living the dream. Then all of a sudden, he had a terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad day. He lost everything. It was a challenge from God. God knew that Job would stay faithful even through the loss of everything in his life. The devil didn't think he could do it. But like always, God was right. Job stayed faithful even though his life was broken. He knew that his faith was stronger than the pain of losing his life. I wish I was like Job.
It's been a rough summer. But I've learned more this summer about the realities of life than I ever have. Yes, I've lost my dog and my cat. But surely I've gained something. Will I be able to be there for you when you are experiencing your own tragedies? I hope I can be. Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on, cry on, whatever. And I do count my blessings. They start with my amazing parents. Then my wonderful friends. Then Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed, and my precious dog Zebo. And as much as I love(d) my animals, I remembered something else while watching It's a Wonderful Life...
When George sees Mary from across the room at the dance, he is completely captivated. He goes straight to her, takes her in his arms, claims her as his own and dances with her.
It reminded me that no matter how much we love our pets, no matter how much it hurts to lose them, that love can never take the place of real human love and compassion. We need each other. We need to look out for each other and take care of each other. Take care of your fellow man like George Bailey did. And never lose faith. Like Job didn't.
And for goodness sake, if you have a pet, spoil them rotten.
I'm usually a pretty optimistic person. I have faith that everything that happens happens for a reason. Then something happens that shakes your universe and questions everything you know. You start asking the questions that man has been asking himself since the dawn of time...
Why do bad things happen to good people?
What did I do to deserve this?
How do I get over this?
Who is going to help me?
Where should I go to get away from all these problems?
When does it stop?
They say if you ask yourself "Why?" over anything five times, the answer will be something along the lines of "I don't know" or "It's just the way it's supposed to be" or "That's just the way God wants it." There is no root explanation to why things happen in life. They just do and getting through the struggles is what leads us to our true humanity. But it's not a happy journey at all. It's really hard. You cry a lot. You ask "why" a lot. You build yourself up. Things tear you down. You build yourself back up again. But how many times can you get knocked down before you throw up your white flag in total surrender? I'm tired of licking on the Tootsie Pop. I'm ready to just bite right in and get to the good stuff. For heaven's sake, I want to get to the good stuff.
I lost my cat this week. He was eleven years old. I lost my dog just three weeks ago. Whenever I go out in my backyard, I'm flooded with memories of my precious dog. Whenever I'm inside my house, I'm bombarded with memories of my cat. I have no siblings; I'm an only child. For me growing up, these pets were my siblings. They kept me company all the time; they never left my side. They were my best little friends who were always there for me and always loved me. And now two of them are gone. Ringo was hit by a car. The bastards didn't even stop. They killed my cat, broke the hearts of my family and me, and had no clue. I hate those people. I have hate in my heart now and I don't like it. It's not welcome but it's making itself at home. And I have no earthly idea how to get rid of it, going back to the burning questions. Yes, these were only animals, but they were my family. They were my siblings. It hurts a lot to lose both of them so close together. It's not fair. I feel broken.
The night before last, the night after I lost Ringo, I watched It's a Wonderful Life for the first time in my life. It made me feel sad and happy at the same time. I keep thinking about George Bailey and his hard life. He sacrificed so much for the people in his life. He gave up his dreams for his family and friends so that they could have the good lives that they did. He worked so hard all his life and in the end, his troubles caught up to him in a big way. He started asking himself those burning questions. And in the end, he learned that all these people in his life that he felt so bogged down by were the ones that really needed him. Without him, they would be lost and miserable.
Today I was watching Friends Season 2. There's an episode where the gang is watching Old Yeller and Phoebe was ignorant of the real ending. Turns out, she didn't know the ending to a lot of sad movies. *Spoiler alert* She didn't know Old Yeller died. She didn't know E.T. left. She didn't know that Rocky lost the fight. She was devastated that all these good stories ended sadly. So Monica hands her a VHS copy of It's a Wonderful Life. She tells Phoebe to watch it, saying it will "restore her faith in humanity."
I also keep thinking about Job, the biblical character from the old testament. Job had it all. He was living the dream. Then all of a sudden, he had a terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad day. He lost everything. It was a challenge from God. God knew that Job would stay faithful even through the loss of everything in his life. The devil didn't think he could do it. But like always, God was right. Job stayed faithful even though his life was broken. He knew that his faith was stronger than the pain of losing his life. I wish I was like Job.
It's been a rough summer. But I've learned more this summer about the realities of life than I ever have. Yes, I've lost my dog and my cat. But surely I've gained something. Will I be able to be there for you when you are experiencing your own tragedies? I hope I can be. Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on, cry on, whatever. And I do count my blessings. They start with my amazing parents. Then my wonderful friends. Then Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed, and my precious dog Zebo. And as much as I love(d) my animals, I remembered something else while watching It's a Wonderful Life...
When George sees Mary from across the room at the dance, he is completely captivated. He goes straight to her, takes her in his arms, claims her as his own and dances with her.
It reminded me that no matter how much we love our pets, no matter how much it hurts to lose them, that love can never take the place of real human love and compassion. We need each other. We need to look out for each other and take care of each other. Take care of your fellow man like George Bailey did. And never lose faith. Like Job didn't.
And for goodness sake, if you have a pet, spoil them rotten.
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