Hey...you! Yeah, you. I like you and I think you're swell.

Why is it so much easier to be brave when you have nothing to fear?

Tonight I was bored. So I got on Facebook, of course. I started looking at past status updates on my wall from earlier this summer. I was complaining about biology and sad about Sky Puppy dying. Then, right smack-dab in the middle of everything, I threw in this wonderful little status about how I was so ready for all the curve balls that life was going to throw at me. I was willing to take it all on. Everything. Including the unexpected.

How ready was I really?

Shortly after that was when I lost Ringo. And I'll confess something to you...I completely fell apart. I know it was just a cat, but it was the principle of the thing. When you live for 21 years and never lose a single thing that's close to you and then all of a sudden lose two biggies, it hurts. Bad. After that unexpected curve ball, I lost it. I mean, I didn't pray for like a week. I've had trouble sleeping. I never thought my faith to be so...fragile, you know? I always thought I was so strong. I never fully understood that verse in the Bible when Jesus says that anyone who has faith the size of a mustard seed can literally move a mountain. I used to think, SURELY I have faith the size of such a teeny weeny mustard seed!

There's no need to worry. My faith may be tiny in size but it remains strong in heart. I'm doing good again. I really am. It's just been kind of torture being at home this summer, especially after my classes have ended. There's nothing to do except sit around...thinking about thoughts...watching tv...reading books...getting on facebook and mulling around like a creeper. Sigh...sometimes I feel like I'm barely living. Especially when others out there are dealing with REAL problems.

Like I said in my last post, I feel like everyone I know has dealt with their own personal tragedies this summer. Some big, some small, some world-ending. My friends and family are, obviously, the most important people in my life. I sometimes wonder if I'm really being a good enough friend to all of them as they deserve. I yearn to be an encouraging person. I want everyone in my life to know how awesome I think they are and how lost I would be without them. Seriously. They're my rocks. My joy. I hope they know that. Truly.

This year I really want to get back to what I write as "interests" on this very blog.

"I love God. I love others. I love art."

Time to stop worrying. Time to forget about myself...you know, without stepping into dangerous territory. Maybe I can muster up a mustard seed...eventually.