It's a [Wonderful] Life

I wish I could spout encouraging words to you right now. I wish I had the strength and the courage to wrap my simple mind around everything that has gone on this summer. I keep trying to count my blessings, but I can't seem to get past the clouds. Where is the silver lining? I know that I am blessed and I know that other people have problems, bigger problems. But pain is pain. Hurt is hurt. Heart break is heart break. It's all just shades of gray. So how do you sort it all out? How do you get happy again when all you want to do is crawl into bed then immediately want to get up and scream and start a project and not know how to finish a project and the world is turned on it's end... It's not the end of the world but...life just sucks sometimes. You know? I'm not trying to be discouraging. It's just a truth.

I'm usually a pretty optimistic person. I have faith that everything that happens happens for a reason. Then something happens that shakes your universe and questions everything you know. You start asking the questions that man has been asking himself since the dawn of time...

Why do bad things happen to good people?
What did I do to deserve this?
How do I get over this?
Who is going to help me?
Where should I go to get away from all these problems?
When does it stop?

They say if you ask yourself "Why?" over anything five times, the answer will be something along the lines of "I don't know" or "It's just the way it's supposed to be" or "That's just the way God wants it." There is no root explanation to why things happen in life. They just do and getting through the struggles is what leads us to our true humanity. But it's not a happy journey at all. It's really hard. You cry a lot. You ask "why" a lot. You build yourself up. Things tear you down. You build yourself back up again. But how many times can you get knocked down before you throw up your white flag in total surrender? I'm tired of licking on the Tootsie Pop. I'm ready to just bite right in and get to the good stuff. For heaven's sake, I want to get to the good stuff.

I lost my cat this week. He was eleven years old. I lost my dog just three weeks ago. Whenever I go out in my backyard, I'm flooded with memories of my precious dog. Whenever I'm inside my house, I'm bombarded with memories of my cat. I have no siblings; I'm an only child. For me growing up, these pets were my siblings. They kept me company all the time; they never left my side. They were my best little friends who were always there for me and always loved me. And now two of them are gone. Ringo was hit by a car. The bastards didn't even stop. They killed my cat, broke the hearts of my family and me, and had no clue. I hate those people. I have hate in my heart now and I don't like it. It's not welcome but it's making itself at home. And I have no earthly idea how to get rid of it, going back to the burning questions. Yes, these were only animals, but they were my family. They were my siblings. It hurts a lot to lose both of them so close together. It's not fair. I feel broken.

The night before last, the night after I lost Ringo, I watched It's a Wonderful Life for the first time in my life. It made me feel sad and happy at the same time. I keep thinking about George Bailey and his hard life. He sacrificed so much for the people in his life. He gave up his dreams for his family and friends so that they could have the good lives that they did. He worked so hard all his life and in the end, his troubles caught up to him in a big way. He started asking himself those burning questions. And in the end, he learned that all these people in his life that he felt so bogged down by were the ones that really needed him. Without him, they would be lost and miserable.

Today I was watching Friends Season 2. There's an episode where the gang is watching Old Yeller and Phoebe was ignorant of the real ending. Turns out, she didn't know the ending to a lot of sad movies. *Spoiler alert* She didn't know Old Yeller died. She didn't know E.T. left. She didn't know that Rocky lost the fight. She was devastated that all these good stories ended sadly. So Monica hands her a VHS copy of It's a Wonderful Life. She tells Phoebe to watch it, saying it will "restore her faith in humanity."

I also keep thinking about Job, the biblical character from the old testament. Job had it all. He was living the dream. Then all of a sudden, he had a terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad day. He lost everything. It was a challenge from God. God knew that Job would stay faithful even through the loss of everything in his life. The devil didn't think he could do it. But like always, God was right. Job stayed faithful even though his life was broken. He knew that his faith was stronger than the pain of losing his life. I wish I was like Job.

It's been a rough summer. But I've learned more this summer about the realities of life than I ever have. Yes, I've lost my dog and my cat. But surely I've gained something. Will I be able to be there for you when you are experiencing your own tragedies? I hope I can be. Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on, cry on, whatever. And I do count my blessings. They start with my amazing parents. Then my wonderful friends. Then Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed, and my precious dog Zebo. And as much as I love(d) my animals, I remembered something else while watching It's a Wonderful Life...

When George sees Mary from across the room at the dance, he is completely captivated. He goes straight to her, takes her in his arms, claims her as his own and dances with her.

It reminded me that no matter how much we love our pets, no matter how much it hurts to lose them, that love can never take the place of real human love and compassion. We need each other. We need to look out for each other and take care of each other. Take care of your fellow man like George Bailey did. And never lose faith. Like Job didn't.

And for goodness sake, if you have a pet, spoil them rotten.