It's been a hard week.
On Monday, I lost my 14 year old Australian Shepard, Sky. I always called her "Sky Puppy." I got her the same month I started second grade. She was a six week old puppy when we got her at a pet store in Johnson City. She had a pretty bad case of Kennel Cough and the vet said that if we had not gotten her and treated her, she would have died within about two weeks. We saved her. And throughout her long life she had many near death experiences that always scared the bejeezus out of me. Like the time she bailed out of my dad's pickup truck going 30 mph. Or the time she ran/swam all the way across the Watauga River chasing a duck. Or the time she got outside the invisible electric fence and couldn't get back inside. Or all those cars she liked to chase. Or when she ran away from home for a few hours on the coldest night of the year. That one happened over Christmas Break this past year. I really thought I was going to lose her then. But no, my Sky Puppy was strong. She never let us spoil her too badly. She just loved us with every breath she took. She never hurt anyone. Everyone she met absolutely fell in love with her. She was a wonderful dog and I was...am... very, very proud to call her mine. She was my best friend, my playmate. Never left my side. So smart and so beautiful. I loved her very much (as if you couldn't see that). I know everyone (generally) loves their pets but I like to think what I had with my Sky Puppy was special and rare. I'll miss her everyday.
Losing this pet has been like losing a member of my family. It's so strange to not see her everyday, not hear her little bark. It's like there is an empty spot.
A couple of weeks ago, my mom's best friend passed away. A couple of days ago, my best friend told me that her uncle was in a bad motorcycle accident and that he needed surgery. She said it wasn't serious but that is still scary. Today, one of my other very good friends told me that her aunt had passed away. I feel like this week, I am reminded that grief and sadness are very real things. My dad told me that we should always remember those who have passed but we must continue to focus on the living. For my family, it just means giving our other dog, Zebo, lots of extra love and affection. For other families who are suffering, it's harder. Grief is a terrible thing to go through but we all must face the music at some point in our lives. I am a very lucky girl because losing Sky was really the first time in my life I've ever lost anything (pet, person, anything) that was close to me. All of my grandparents are still living. My parents are in great health. I've never lost a close friend by death. I am extremely fortunate and I thank God and count my blessings daily. Sometimes I forget how good I've got it.
I've tried to comfort friends in the past who have lost parents, pets, friends, and other things. I never quite knew the words to say. I couldn't relate. I know that was selfish of me in a way but what can you really say to make pain like that go away or even subside for a while? Nothing. You can't say a thing to make it better. But that doesn't mean you have to fall silent. You can rub their backs, tell them you are there, and pray like crazy. Prayer heals. It's been the Band-Aid on many a situations of sorrow in my life, including this week.
I know I get angry and sad and curse the world and the people in it sometimes. But I'm only human. I heard a sermon on Sunday that was one of those sermons that I felt was speaking directly toward me. But strangely enough, it wasn't a "you're doing everything wrong, fix yourself or you're going to hell" kind of sermon. No. It was about the healing power of putting the past behind you. The pastor said we all have a past. We all have pain in our past. God has forgiven us and continues to forgive us if we ask him. Now it's up to us to move on. We cannot live in our pasts. God wants us to put the past behind us so we can focus on the present and our future. It was so comforting to hear that that was God's command for His people. He didn't say "never burn bridges" or "make everybody like you." He commanded us to love our neighbors, forgive, and rejoice in His holy name. And from now on, I want to do just that.
Heart break and rough times are behind. They are always ahead. But I am not afraid. Everything I've been through and everything I have yet to experience has shaped me and will shape me into the woman that God wants, needs, commands me to be. I am flawed but He know this and He loves me anyway, unconditionally. I do not deserve it but I accept His love wholeheartedly.
Look back at a post of mine entitled "Waffles can cure anything." There's a story there about a good friend of mine whose heart was broken. When he cried, the rain came down. The day Sky died, a storm blew through the neighborhood. It wasn't a violent, crazy, scary kind of thunderstorm. It was a slow, heavy drizzle with strong breezes and distant, low thunder. It was a sad storm. It was a heart breaking storm. I'll repeat what I said in that previous post.
When our heart is breaking, so is God's. He feels pain with us. He knows our hearts better than we do. He loves us. All of us. Despite our pasts. Let us give thanks for our lives, the people (and pets in my case presently) who have blessed us, and the promise for a bright and hopeful future ahead.
When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll,
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul
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