Sometimes, hitting the curve ball can be what wins you the game.
This semester I have come to learn that I never really know where life is going to take me each day. It's like every day is its own little adventure. I don't wake up in the morning and think, "Gee, what kind of antics will today bring?" But it never seems to fail that I am shaking my head at some point every day and I think about how bizarre it is how weird my "plain Jane" life is sometimes.
I've thought a lot this semester about being in the right place at the right time. I've said that with your heart set on the Lord, you'll always be where you ought to be when you ought to be there. It's a simple concept but it's been blowing my freaking mind. It's funny how big the world can be even though you only live in a small part of it. That small part can seem big at times. We're all like cogs in the big clock of life...and by using that metaphor I don't mean to say we're running out of time...even though we kind of are...but that's not the point I'm trying to make...gee whiz this paragraph just took a sharp turn into depressing. "You're an essentially cog in the clock of your life...time is quickly running out." Okay readers, set down the razor blades and let's get back on the happy train :-) (I try very hard, by the way, to avoid emoticons or whatever the eff they're called...let's just say I'm saving them only to be used in extreme cases...moving on.)
So anyway, back to what I was saying. Every day is going to take you to a new place. Your day might be filled with hundreds of little details that shape you. Your day may be a day filled with one huge thing that shapes you. The thing to know is that no two days will ever be exactly the same. Appreciate the day that God has given us. Smile. Enjoy it. We've got one life ya'll. One. Uno. Eins. Let's have fun while we're here.
I used to think of the "curve balls" of life as always being bad things. Like when things are going supposedly really good then all of a sudden BAM. You get knocked down and can't seem to get up again. So therefore you develop a very understandable seething hatred for curve balls. But I'm beginning to see that curve balls aren't always bad. Sometimes things might be going really badly for you. You have a sucky day or a sucky person comes along and just (figuratively (hopefully)) craps all over you. You've got the little black rain cloud over your head. Then BAM. Something amazing happens.
Clouds always give way to the light. Always.
I see joy in every day. I also see the pain. But I'm seeing what's worth focusing on. Guess which one it is? Ya'll are smart. You know.
Enjoy each of life's adventures, big or small. Follow God. He'll show you what adventures are the best, the most exciting, the most worth-while. The sun will seem brighter. The trees, leafier. The birds, chirpier. And the world, happier.
So embrace the curve balls...and avoid clock metaphors when attempting to be encouraging... :-)
Monday, September 20, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Mountains & Molehills
Hey. School got real crazy real fast. But no worries. I haven't forgotten you. Couldn't if I tried. I also have had a bit of a writer's block lately. Not sure why. I blame my cluttered mind. Like, it's not that I can't think of things to say but the problem is just that I have too much to say but I can't decide what's important enough to actually post. Which kind of ties into what I did ultimately decide to write about...
What's really important?
That is such a burning question, my fingers get hot just typing it (okay, not really, but wouldn't that be cool?). What really matters? What's worth your time thinking about it? What "it" means more to you than anything else? Why does one "it" overshadow others? Are our "its" prioritized right? How do we know if they are? Shew, I may have to soak my hands in ice water after that schpeel.
There's an old expression...I would say it's one of my "southernisms" but I'm not sure if it's only said in the south or not. Maybe you Yankees have heard it. It goes like this: Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. The meaning of the expression is obvious. Don't get worked up/make a big deal out of something that is small/doesn't really matter. This is a practice I have struggled with pretty much my entire life. As a girl, and ladies can I get a what-what, I analyze everything. And what's worse, I OVER-analyze everything. I can't seem to put a lasso around the analyzation that goes on in my head every minute of the day. It can be rather exhausting to tell you the truth. The problem got progressively worse as I got older. When you're young, problems are simple (or at least they seem simple now, looking back on them). As you grow into an adult, your problems only seem to get bigger. And as you mature, you start to question what a "problem" really is.
Is it a problem
...when you oversleep?
...when things don't go your way?
...when things don't go the way you expected?
...when people let you down?
...when you put your foot in your mouth?
...when you procrastinate?
...when you have to wait?
...when things pile up on you?
...when you get in trouble?
...when you know you should've gotten in trouble?
...when you doubt?
...when you stumble?
...when you forget most everything you think you know?
The answer will never be the same two times in a row. Yes, no, maybe so. Only you can decide for yourself. But the main thing to remember is that no matter your problem, whether it be a mountain or a molehill, you'll get through it. There's another expression that goes, "If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it." Don't let your world come crashing down over a small thing. And for that matter, don't let it come crashing over a big thing. I know what you're thinking..."Oh, Melanie. Don't be stupid. If something HUGE happened to you tomorrow, you're world would come crashing down. You're just that dramatic type." Well, hypothetical reader, you might be right. But then again...you might be wrong.
As we become adults about to be thrust into the scary, scary world of life, we have to remember to not make mountains out of molehills. We have to learn to discern between big and small, right and wrong. For the sake of our own lives and those around us, we have to see the difference. The encouraging news is that even though these problems are put in our paths on a daily basis, we will in the end always end up right where God wants us. If your heart is set on God, you can never be in the wrong place at the wrong time. You just can't. It's not gonna happen. End of story. Actually, no. Not end of story. This story is far from over.
So enjoy your story and, as my dad says, don't sweat the small stuff.
What's really important?
That is such a burning question, my fingers get hot just typing it (okay, not really, but wouldn't that be cool?). What really matters? What's worth your time thinking about it? What "it" means more to you than anything else? Why does one "it" overshadow others? Are our "its" prioritized right? How do we know if they are? Shew, I may have to soak my hands in ice water after that schpeel.
There's an old expression...I would say it's one of my "southernisms" but I'm not sure if it's only said in the south or not. Maybe you Yankees have heard it. It goes like this: Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. The meaning of the expression is obvious. Don't get worked up/make a big deal out of something that is small/doesn't really matter. This is a practice I have struggled with pretty much my entire life. As a girl, and ladies can I get a what-what, I analyze everything. And what's worse, I OVER-analyze everything. I can't seem to put a lasso around the analyzation that goes on in my head every minute of the day. It can be rather exhausting to tell you the truth. The problem got progressively worse as I got older. When you're young, problems are simple (or at least they seem simple now, looking back on them). As you grow into an adult, your problems only seem to get bigger. And as you mature, you start to question what a "problem" really is.
Is it a problem
...when you oversleep?
...when things don't go your way?
...when things don't go the way you expected?
...when people let you down?
...when you put your foot in your mouth?
...when you procrastinate?
...when you have to wait?
...when things pile up on you?
...when you get in trouble?
...when you know you should've gotten in trouble?
...when you doubt?
...when you stumble?
...when you forget most everything you think you know?
The answer will never be the same two times in a row. Yes, no, maybe so. Only you can decide for yourself. But the main thing to remember is that no matter your problem, whether it be a mountain or a molehill, you'll get through it. There's another expression that goes, "If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it." Don't let your world come crashing down over a small thing. And for that matter, don't let it come crashing over a big thing. I know what you're thinking..."Oh, Melanie. Don't be stupid. If something HUGE happened to you tomorrow, you're world would come crashing down. You're just that dramatic type." Well, hypothetical reader, you might be right. But then again...you might be wrong.
As we become adults about to be thrust into the scary, scary world of life, we have to remember to not make mountains out of molehills. We have to learn to discern between big and small, right and wrong. For the sake of our own lives and those around us, we have to see the difference. The encouraging news is that even though these problems are put in our paths on a daily basis, we will in the end always end up right where God wants us. If your heart is set on God, you can never be in the wrong place at the wrong time. You just can't. It's not gonna happen. End of story. Actually, no. Not end of story. This story is far from over.
So enjoy your story and, as my dad says, don't sweat the small stuff.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Red Light, Green Light
A funny thing happened on the way back from Lacie's...
Like most of us, I have a car and I drive it around. It's a pretty cool thing we grown-ups do, don't you think? And like you, fellow adult, I am constantly getting my driving buzz stepped on by traffic lights. Who enjoys having to stop at a red light? I mean really? But tonight a new thought came to my mind.
Red lights always turn green eventually.
When we're driving through life, God occasionally makes us come to a halt at one of His red lights. You're driving along, think you're doing great, minding the signs and the speed limits for the most part. You know, all the good driver stuff. Then boom, Christian driver buzz bombed. Red light. Stop. Wait. Grr.
Some lights are the automatic ones. You pull up to them, the light senses that you're there and it'll therefore change faster to comply to your needs of moving forward. Sometimes life is like that. God will set it up so that when you get to a certain point, you may have to stop and take a look around but He doesn't keep you waiting for long. These are the moments where life has actually been waiting for you, believe it or not. That does happen every now and then.
Some lights are timed. You must sit. And wait. And wait. And wait for the light to change. Sometimes you might be in a huge hurry. Sometimes you might have a certain destination in mind that you are absolutely dying to get to a.s.a.p. But nooo. You have to just sit there like a goob and wait for the light to change. In your mind, that light is out to get you. It hates you. It wants you to be unhappy. In reality, it's just you waiting on life to happen. And it's good to wait every so often. It's good. It may suck really badly but it's good.
Don't even think about running these red lights, automated or timed. Because as soon as you take things into your own hands, there'll be a freakin' big semi-truck that plows into you and you think "Why, oh why, did I ever think that would be a good idea?!"
Just wait for the light to change.
Because it always will.
You may have to wait a while.
Either for life to catch up with you.
Or the other way around.
But either way, it'll change.
What will surprise you is that once it changes, you may find yourself on a completely new or different road. But that's just the magic of God. He likes to do that sometimes. Personally, it freaks me out when He does stuff like that, but it's okay. Keep freaking me out, God. It's cool.
Just because you are stopped at a red light doesn't mean the journey is over.
It'll turn green eventually.
Patience.
Like most of us, I have a car and I drive it around. It's a pretty cool thing we grown-ups do, don't you think? And like you, fellow adult, I am constantly getting my driving buzz stepped on by traffic lights. Who enjoys having to stop at a red light? I mean really? But tonight a new thought came to my mind.
Red lights always turn green eventually.
When we're driving through life, God occasionally makes us come to a halt at one of His red lights. You're driving along, think you're doing great, minding the signs and the speed limits for the most part. You know, all the good driver stuff. Then boom, Christian driver buzz bombed. Red light. Stop. Wait. Grr.
Some lights are the automatic ones. You pull up to them, the light senses that you're there and it'll therefore change faster to comply to your needs of moving forward. Sometimes life is like that. God will set it up so that when you get to a certain point, you may have to stop and take a look around but He doesn't keep you waiting for long. These are the moments where life has actually been waiting for you, believe it or not. That does happen every now and then.
Some lights are timed. You must sit. And wait. And wait. And wait for the light to change. Sometimes you might be in a huge hurry. Sometimes you might have a certain destination in mind that you are absolutely dying to get to a.s.a.p. But nooo. You have to just sit there like a goob and wait for the light to change. In your mind, that light is out to get you. It hates you. It wants you to be unhappy. In reality, it's just you waiting on life to happen. And it's good to wait every so often. It's good. It may suck really badly but it's good.
Don't even think about running these red lights, automated or timed. Because as soon as you take things into your own hands, there'll be a freakin' big semi-truck that plows into you and you think "Why, oh why, did I ever think that would be a good idea?!"
Just wait for the light to change.
Because it always will.
You may have to wait a while.
Either for life to catch up with you.
Or the other way around.
But either way, it'll change.
What will surprise you is that once it changes, you may find yourself on a completely new or different road. But that's just the magic of God. He likes to do that sometimes. Personally, it freaks me out when He does stuff like that, but it's okay. Keep freaking me out, God. It's cool.
Just because you are stopped at a red light doesn't mean the journey is over.
It'll turn green eventually.
Patience.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
A New Leaf
Whoever said that miracles don't happen everyday is simply ignorant and I hope they find contentment soon. And whoever said that change is hard to come by is hiding from accomplishment.
If I could list all the ways that my life has been revolutionized in the past week and a half, your head might explode. Therefore, in thinking of you my readers, I will spare you. Cause I love you. And that love is part of my revolution. And I am wicked pumped about it.
I used to be...
a worry wort
a nervous wreck
a selfish being
a bad listener
a spoiled brat
a pitiful follower of Christ
I suppose that those bad characteristics still reside in me. In turning over a new leaf, no one becomes a "changed person" over night. However, I've learned to recognize my faults and start forcing myself into believing that there is so much more that life has to offer and in remaining poor at heart is simply not an option.
I gave God control.
The reason I could never figure life out...
The reason I was always so worried...
The reason I was frustrated...
The reason I felt alone and misunderstood...
Was because I was trying to do it all (life) myself.
And I simply can't. And I don't want to anymore. God wants our whole hearts. So in starting off the school year, I decided immediately that THAT was my new leaf.
Let go.
It's in His hands.
He loves you.
He won't forsake you.
So long as you keep your heart set on Him.
You have one life to live, which He gave you.
For God's sake (literally), LIVE IT!
Has it been an easy transition from tight-wad into care-free? Well, I'm taking baby steps. But knowing that God is with me makes those baby steps feel like marathons. I've only been taking on this new attitude for a week and a half and it's felt like all those months (and months and months) of being lost never even happened. And God keeps telling me that that's okay. Guilt and regret are simply not languages that God speaks. When you come back to Him, no matter your past, He'll take you back with open arms. That's how coming home is supposed to feel. And let me tell you, it feels so good to be home. I'm letting Him guide me. And He has done great things. And it has humbled me so much. I'm so small. Who am I that He should love me? That He should bless me? My heart is His now. He can do with it what He wishes. And as my good friend Whitney reminded me the other day, "perfect love casts out all fear." All I can think is "thank you thank you thank you" while mingling with a mixture of "Yes!" and "Yay!" I feel loved and all I can think to do is praise my Father.
And guess what the best part is? He loves you, too. This isn't about me anymore. It's all about Him. Since I turned over this new leaf, I haven't had a bad day. I don't tell you this to brag, I promise. I tell you this so that maybe you can be led in the way I was. Are you confused and looking for answers? I was for so long. I didn't understand life in general. Here's a quote that was in our school planner this week...
"I try to avoid looking forward or backward and try to keep looking upward."
-Charlotte Bronte
That's good advice. Look up. Give Him a smile. Let Him love you. Let Him bless you. Because He will. You just have to let Him in. Isn't that just the best news you've ever heard?!
Classes and plays will be enriching, I'm sure. But this year, my goal is to simply let go and live. And like I said before, the past week and a half of living that way has been amazing. Care to join me? Let's go jump around and act retarded for a little while. God appreciates celebration :)
(By the way, Happy Birthday Sherri Baby! She's my roommate and turns 21 today. Love you girl!)
If I could list all the ways that my life has been revolutionized in the past week and a half, your head might explode. Therefore, in thinking of you my readers, I will spare you. Cause I love you. And that love is part of my revolution. And I am wicked pumped about it.
I used to be...
a worry wort
a nervous wreck
a selfish being
a bad listener
a spoiled brat
a pitiful follower of Christ
I suppose that those bad characteristics still reside in me. In turning over a new leaf, no one becomes a "changed person" over night. However, I've learned to recognize my faults and start forcing myself into believing that there is so much more that life has to offer and in remaining poor at heart is simply not an option.
I gave God control.
The reason I could never figure life out...
The reason I was always so worried...
The reason I was frustrated...
The reason I felt alone and misunderstood...
Was because I was trying to do it all (life) myself.
And I simply can't. And I don't want to anymore. God wants our whole hearts. So in starting off the school year, I decided immediately that THAT was my new leaf.
Let go.
It's in His hands.
He loves you.
He won't forsake you.
So long as you keep your heart set on Him.
You have one life to live, which He gave you.
For God's sake (literally), LIVE IT!
Has it been an easy transition from tight-wad into care-free? Well, I'm taking baby steps. But knowing that God is with me makes those baby steps feel like marathons. I've only been taking on this new attitude for a week and a half and it's felt like all those months (and months and months) of being lost never even happened. And God keeps telling me that that's okay. Guilt and regret are simply not languages that God speaks. When you come back to Him, no matter your past, He'll take you back with open arms. That's how coming home is supposed to feel. And let me tell you, it feels so good to be home. I'm letting Him guide me. And He has done great things. And it has humbled me so much. I'm so small. Who am I that He should love me? That He should bless me? My heart is His now. He can do with it what He wishes. And as my good friend Whitney reminded me the other day, "perfect love casts out all fear." All I can think is "thank you thank you thank you" while mingling with a mixture of "Yes!" and "Yay!" I feel loved and all I can think to do is praise my Father.
And guess what the best part is? He loves you, too. This isn't about me anymore. It's all about Him. Since I turned over this new leaf, I haven't had a bad day. I don't tell you this to brag, I promise. I tell you this so that maybe you can be led in the way I was. Are you confused and looking for answers? I was for so long. I didn't understand life in general. Here's a quote that was in our school planner this week...
"I try to avoid looking forward or backward and try to keep looking upward."
-Charlotte Bronte
That's good advice. Look up. Give Him a smile. Let Him love you. Let Him bless you. Because He will. You just have to let Him in. Isn't that just the best news you've ever heard?!
Classes and plays will be enriching, I'm sure. But this year, my goal is to simply let go and live. And like I said before, the past week and a half of living that way has been amazing. Care to join me? Let's go jump around and act retarded for a little while. God appreciates celebration :)
(By the way, Happy Birthday Sherri Baby! She's my roommate and turns 21 today. Love you girl!)
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
[Waiting] is a Virtue
I'm not even a full day into my first school day of my senior year of college and already things are better. I can't express how relieved and happy I feel. Summer is over and a new chapter has begun. I'm not going to look at Senior Year as a "final chapter" even though it kind of is. I'm going to try really hard to keep looking at it as simply a fresh and potentially exciting ride into the rest of what is to come. And here's the key ingredient to what is keeping me going and happy: God is in control once again.
Over the last couple of years, I've found it very easy to simply run from God. Did I know I was being stupid? In the back of my mind, yes. In my heart, definitely. So why did I do it? I really don't know. All I know is that over the last couple of weeks, He has revealed things to me in his mysterious way that has truly shown me that things are going to be okay. Better than okay. But like He always does, He doesn't just come out and tell you these things plainly. It's all out there, but up to you to figure out. And I'm so daft most of the time, I never really know for sure if I've got it right. But that's where faith comes in. I'm tired of running. Now, not only am I running towards God, but I feel like I've already reached Him and He's giving me a big bear hug. It's a really sweet feeling. I love my Father.
Lately, being back on track and feeling good, God has wasted no time in trying to tell me what I need to know. As nice as it is to be hearing God, it is sometimes not always what you want to hear. Recently the theme I keep hearing/seeing/understanding is waiting. Wait on the Lord. That, my friend, is easier said than done. If you know me, you know that I am NOT a patient person. I want what I want and I want it NOW. And this credo is exactly what keeps getting me in trouble and keeps dampering my walk with God. I take things into my own hands and try to make it work. I keep forgetting that if I just put everything into God's hands, my life will be something so much better, I can't even wrap my brain around it. Why in the world would I not want a life as awesome as that? The only trouble is the waiting part. It's hard to wait on God to do His thing when you see things that you want for your life pretty much immediately. I was thinking today, "Man, if I could just have this one thing, I would do anything to get it. I would eat bugs or walk across hot coals. Whatever it took, I would do it!" But then I thought, "Would you be patient and wait on the Lord, Melanie?" Because honestly, that would probably be just as scary/challenging as any other daredevil task I could do. It's very scary to hold your horses and wait on God to work in your life. He works all the time, yes, but you know what I mean. Waiting on Him to reveal things to you so that you don't just act on your urges and end up in a bad place.
Months ago I prayed on a lake. "God, opens doors and give me the courage to walk through them." I still pray that same prayer. But now I need to add, "And give me also the strength to wait on you to open the right doors for me."
So what do I do in the meantime? I know myself well enough to know that if I'm stuck sitting in the giant waiting room of life for any extended period of time, I'll end up going insane. So I think the best thing to do is focus on being a better person. Like praying for other people. Being kind. Working on my relationship with God. Growing. And I think that's a pretty good way to bide my time.
So I'll wait for You. w00t.
Over the last couple of years, I've found it very easy to simply run from God. Did I know I was being stupid? In the back of my mind, yes. In my heart, definitely. So why did I do it? I really don't know. All I know is that over the last couple of weeks, He has revealed things to me in his mysterious way that has truly shown me that things are going to be okay. Better than okay. But like He always does, He doesn't just come out and tell you these things plainly. It's all out there, but up to you to figure out. And I'm so daft most of the time, I never really know for sure if I've got it right. But that's where faith comes in. I'm tired of running. Now, not only am I running towards God, but I feel like I've already reached Him and He's giving me a big bear hug. It's a really sweet feeling. I love my Father.
Lately, being back on track and feeling good, God has wasted no time in trying to tell me what I need to know. As nice as it is to be hearing God, it is sometimes not always what you want to hear. Recently the theme I keep hearing/seeing/understanding is waiting. Wait on the Lord. That, my friend, is easier said than done. If you know me, you know that I am NOT a patient person. I want what I want and I want it NOW. And this credo is exactly what keeps getting me in trouble and keeps dampering my walk with God. I take things into my own hands and try to make it work. I keep forgetting that if I just put everything into God's hands, my life will be something so much better, I can't even wrap my brain around it. Why in the world would I not want a life as awesome as that? The only trouble is the waiting part. It's hard to wait on God to do His thing when you see things that you want for your life pretty much immediately. I was thinking today, "Man, if I could just have this one thing, I would do anything to get it. I would eat bugs or walk across hot coals. Whatever it took, I would do it!" But then I thought, "Would you be patient and wait on the Lord, Melanie?" Because honestly, that would probably be just as scary/challenging as any other daredevil task I could do. It's very scary to hold your horses and wait on God to work in your life. He works all the time, yes, but you know what I mean. Waiting on Him to reveal things to you so that you don't just act on your urges and end up in a bad place.
Months ago I prayed on a lake. "God, opens doors and give me the courage to walk through them." I still pray that same prayer. But now I need to add, "And give me also the strength to wait on you to open the right doors for me."
So what do I do in the meantime? I know myself well enough to know that if I'm stuck sitting in the giant waiting room of life for any extended period of time, I'll end up going insane. So I think the best thing to do is focus on being a better person. Like praying for other people. Being kind. Working on my relationship with God. Growing. And I think that's a pretty good way to bide my time.
So I'll wait for You. w00t.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Six Months
Trust in earthly things, man will fail.
Trust in the Lord, man will succeed.
Oh, the fruits of facebook stalking.
I hate to have a bit of writer's block on my blog's six month anniversary.
I wish I had more to say.
I've enjoyed these last six months, despite hard times.
I learn a little something every day.
I don't mean to sound cliche, but I'm no longer a little girl.
I'm becoming the adult woman God means me to be.
Slowly but surely.
What will I learn tomorrow?
Time will tell.
Hang on, Dawson. It's going to be a bumpy life.
But for now here's to six more months, eh?
Trust in the Lord, man will succeed.
Oh, the fruits of facebook stalking.
I hate to have a bit of writer's block on my blog's six month anniversary.
I wish I had more to say.
I've enjoyed these last six months, despite hard times.
I learn a little something every day.
I don't mean to sound cliche, but I'm no longer a little girl.
I'm becoming the adult woman God means me to be.
Slowly but surely.
What will I learn tomorrow?
Time will tell.
Hang on, Dawson. It's going to be a bumpy life.
But for now here's to six more months, eh?
Friday, August 6, 2010
Hey...you! Yeah, you. I like you and I think you're swell.
Why is it so much easier to be brave when you have nothing to fear?
Tonight I was bored. So I got on Facebook, of course. I started looking at past status updates on my wall from earlier this summer. I was complaining about biology and sad about Sky Puppy dying. Then, right smack-dab in the middle of everything, I threw in this wonderful little status about how I was so ready for all the curve balls that life was going to throw at me. I was willing to take it all on. Everything. Including the unexpected.
How ready was I really?
Shortly after that was when I lost Ringo. And I'll confess something to you...I completely fell apart. I know it was just a cat, but it was the principle of the thing. When you live for 21 years and never lose a single thing that's close to you and then all of a sudden lose two biggies, it hurts. Bad. After that unexpected curve ball, I lost it. I mean, I didn't pray for like a week. I've had trouble sleeping. I never thought my faith to be so...fragile, you know? I always thought I was so strong. I never fully understood that verse in the Bible when Jesus says that anyone who has faith the size of a mustard seed can literally move a mountain. I used to think, SURELY I have faith the size of such a teeny weeny mustard seed!
There's no need to worry. My faith may be tiny in size but it remains strong in heart. I'm doing good again. I really am. It's just been kind of torture being at home this summer, especially after my classes have ended. There's nothing to do except sit around...thinking about thoughts...watching tv...reading books...getting on facebook and mulling around like a creeper. Sigh...sometimes I feel like I'm barely living. Especially when others out there are dealing with REAL problems.
Like I said in my last post, I feel like everyone I know has dealt with their own personal tragedies this summer. Some big, some small, some world-ending. My friends and family are, obviously, the most important people in my life. I sometimes wonder if I'm really being a good enough friend to all of them as they deserve. I yearn to be an encouraging person. I want everyone in my life to know how awesome I think they are and how lost I would be without them. Seriously. They're my rocks. My joy. I hope they know that. Truly.
This year I really want to get back to what I write as "interests" on this very blog.
"I love God. I love others. I love art."
Time to stop worrying. Time to forget about myself...you know, without stepping into dangerous territory. Maybe I can muster up a mustard seed...eventually.
Tonight I was bored. So I got on Facebook, of course. I started looking at past status updates on my wall from earlier this summer. I was complaining about biology and sad about Sky Puppy dying. Then, right smack-dab in the middle of everything, I threw in this wonderful little status about how I was so ready for all the curve balls that life was going to throw at me. I was willing to take it all on. Everything. Including the unexpected.
How ready was I really?
Shortly after that was when I lost Ringo. And I'll confess something to you...I completely fell apart. I know it was just a cat, but it was the principle of the thing. When you live for 21 years and never lose a single thing that's close to you and then all of a sudden lose two biggies, it hurts. Bad. After that unexpected curve ball, I lost it. I mean, I didn't pray for like a week. I've had trouble sleeping. I never thought my faith to be so...fragile, you know? I always thought I was so strong. I never fully understood that verse in the Bible when Jesus says that anyone who has faith the size of a mustard seed can literally move a mountain. I used to think, SURELY I have faith the size of such a teeny weeny mustard seed!
There's no need to worry. My faith may be tiny in size but it remains strong in heart. I'm doing good again. I really am. It's just been kind of torture being at home this summer, especially after my classes have ended. There's nothing to do except sit around...thinking about thoughts...watching tv...reading books...getting on facebook and mulling around like a creeper. Sigh...sometimes I feel like I'm barely living. Especially when others out there are dealing with REAL problems.
Like I said in my last post, I feel like everyone I know has dealt with their own personal tragedies this summer. Some big, some small, some world-ending. My friends and family are, obviously, the most important people in my life. I sometimes wonder if I'm really being a good enough friend to all of them as they deserve. I yearn to be an encouraging person. I want everyone in my life to know how awesome I think they are and how lost I would be without them. Seriously. They're my rocks. My joy. I hope they know that. Truly.
This year I really want to get back to what I write as "interests" on this very blog.
"I love God. I love others. I love art."
Time to stop worrying. Time to forget about myself...you know, without stepping into dangerous territory. Maybe I can muster up a mustard seed...eventually.
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