Cheap Trick

This week, I've had to come face to face with some pretty pressing issues in my life.

I won't get into them all; honestly, I'm just plain sick of thinking about them.

But sick or no, these are things I do have to deal with at some point.

It's not that life is necessarily hard.

I've had a pretty good week.

Life is just life, you know?

It happens and it can't be stopped.

I think about the past and wonder how I got through it/got away with it.

I think about the present and wonder how I'm going to get through it/get away with it.

I think about the future and literally want to throw up. That's how scared I am.

I know it's foolish to be scared of the unknown.

The "unknown" holds many blessings, not just bad things.

I want very much to be excited about what's to come; and in a way, I am.

I guess I'm scared mostly about leaving things behind.

I've built a wonderful life for myself here in college.

I love my friends; I love my studies; I love the atmosphere.

It's my comfort bubble...and that bubble is going to pop very soon.

I decided to put off some of the post-college planning until post-college is upon me.

This is odd for me; I'm a planner.

I don't want to be slapped in the face; I don't want to be left in the dust.

Standing in the rain...alone...with nothing but a suitcase and a dream.

The problem is not figuring out what I want; I know what I want.

I want a lot of things.

But being an artist, it's not about what you want.

You have to be wanted in order to make your mark.

You have to impress; you have to be judged and pass the tests.

I guess that's true of any profession; any life path.

Unless you plan to be invisible or unsuccessful.

And who in their right mind plans for a life like that?

I'm not; that's certain.

I have the thoughts of, "Why have I spent my whole life in school?"

"Will I make it in the real world?"

"Isn't that what school is supposed to prepare me for?"

It just seems like a cheap, dirty trick.

So as I stand here contradictorily halting my plans yet yearning for all the world can offer, I shout, "I WANT YOU TO WANT ME!"