Silver Lining

I'm going to speak honestly for just a second here.

I'm glad that certain "negatives" exist in this world. Things like doubt, fear, uncertainty, anxiety, stress, pain, discomfort, loneliness, disagreements, misunderstandings, dishonesty, betrayal, heart break, and even death.

Before you write me off as a "blogger"...you know the type...goth makeup, black nail polish, alone in a darkened room with not but a lone candle lighting my journaling as I cry and flip my hair out of my face...rest assured. That is not me. Currently, I am sitting on my bed in my room in Knoxville, wearing pjs in a nicely lit atmosphere (watching Inglorious Basterds if that even matters; figured since it's such a kick-ass movie it was at least worth mentioning). I'm no "blogger." But let me explain.

I'm glad these bad things exist because it makes us truly appreciate the good. The good would not be good if we didn't know bad. Sugar would not taste as sweet were it not for the salts of the earth. It's the theory of the cloud with the silver lining.

We lost my Papaw yesterday. It was a death that was not sudden or unexpected. We had time to say good bye. We had time to prepare. I'm 22 and this is the first close family member I have lost. I really am blessed in that sense. How many people can't say that? And my Papaw is in heaven now. Pain free. Healthy again. Healthy and happy forever more. And in that fact, my family and I have found so much peace.

When life is lost you start thinking about the life that is still being lived. I know I have over the past couple of weeks. A couple of days ago, I was (habitually as of recent) thinking about what lies ahead for me. But during this self-inflicted stress session, I asked myself a question I had not asked myself before: What am I really living for?

What are any of us really living for? Think about it, don't just read it. What are any of us really living for? We are all spoiled rotten. Are you aware of this? We live in a beautiful world. We have money coming out our eyeballs (Even if you think you're broke, you're actually filthy rich. Congratulations). We have food, water, shelter, and medical care at our fingertips. We have indoor plumbing. We are living a life so utterly wonderful we often forget how utterly wonderful it really is. So what is life?

I am born. I learn to crawl. I learn to walk. I learn to talk. I learn how to use a toilet. I start school. I keep going to school for almost 20 years. I make friends. I date. I go to church. I do what I'm told. I follow the rules.

That is status-quo. That is typical.

We all are given one life. One chance to make the most of it. What holds us back from certain things? What keeps us from being the person we long to be? What keeps us from doing what we long to do? Most of the time, what holds us back is one of those pesky "negatives" as listed above.

But I'm glad for them because without them, what would we have to overcome? What we have to defeat? I don't really know what I'm going to think about my life when I look back on it when the end comes. All I can hope is two things: 1) that the end is far, far away from the now, and 2) that I will not feel defeated by one of those negatives.

Today, this blogger raises a glass to her Papaw. A man who put up an unbelievable fight. May I live a life that you would raise a glass to, too.