wtf

Yesterday, I was "shh"ed by a good friend of mine while I was sitting in my own living room in my own house. wtf

Today, I was told to "shut up" by someone even closer to me. wtf

Sometimes I get so pissed off at the world I feel as though my head is going to literally start spinning. wtf

Today is one of those days where I just don't feel like I fit in very well with everybody else. I miss feeling the click. You know what I'm talking about? It's that feeling you get when you feel completely in-sync with the people around you and you couldn't feel more at home. Yeah...I haven't really felt that in a while. And I mean, the people around me are not entirely to blame. I don't do much to help the situation either. I guess I just don't know how to fix it. I can't go anywhere. And there's only so much the telephone can do to help. I feel like I'm buried alive under a big pile of "shh" and "shut up." Are you there, God? It's me, Melanie. Get me out of here.

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about selfishness. We all perceive selfishness as a negative thing. I've said it a million times myself: "Stop being so selfish! Think about other people!" Well, I hate to disappoint you but I have a confession to make. The majority of the times that I have said that, it was because I was wanting someone else to stop thinking of themselves and start considering me, myself, and I. Is that not also a terribly selfish act? Calling someone else selfish because you want them to pay attention to you instead? That's a step beyond selfish. That's sad.

I believe selfishness is pure animal instinct. It's natural. I mean, you throw a piece of meat between two hungry lions...those animals will literally kill each other trying to win that piece of meat. They care not about the other's feelings or wellfare. At the end of the day, it's every man for his or herself. So in reality, no matter how hard we try, we are ultimately going to asking ourselves one question: "What do I want/need/think?" It's survival of the fittest. We have to be the fittest. All of us can't be, sadly.

People are always going to have their ways. A great example of what I'm trying to illustrate kind of goes back to what I wrote about last week. My mom's best friend died. They (my mom & her friend's family) are trying to put together a memorial service for her on July 4th (which would have been her 50th birthday). Another one of my mom's friends from high school replied to my mom's invitation by asking if maybe the date could be switched considering it was July 4th and people might be busy.

Let me repeat that. Some random woman wanted the date of the memorial service of her dead friend to be moved to fit around her schedule.

Yes, it's the 4th of July but...really?! You'd rather sit on your fat ass and eat hot dogs and hambergs and watch the same freaking fireworks from every stinking year than actually do something good for your friend who DIED?!???! WTF??!?!?!??!

I don't get people. I just don't understand. People have the nerve to simply do whatever they want to do and to hell with everybody else! I know I'm venting but come on!

I know I'm a hypocrite. I'm just as selfish as everybody else. I live my life the same way everybody else does. This is how life goes.
We eat what we want to eat.
We wear what we want to wear.
We study what we want to study.
We date who we want to date.
We break up with who we don't want to date anymore.
We live where we want to live.
We are friends with who we want to be friends with.
We hate those who don't want to be friends with us.
And we don't ever feel the need to explain ourselves.
I mean, after all, this is America, right? Free country. We can do whatever we want to do, right?

wtf