Noyv

The theme of courage has presented itself on the little stage in my mind this week. So I'm going to talk about it.

If we have not bravery in our words and actions, what do we have?
Uncertainty.
Insecurity.
Fear.
Anxiety.
Worry.

We used to sing a song in my German class and it went a little something like this:
Ich bin der Barenjager.
Ich habe keine Angst.
The song went on (few songs are only 2 lines long), but it translates plainly to "I am the bear hunter. I have no fear." I imagine in my head a character that looks a lot like Elmer Fudd--tiptoeing through the woods, HUGE rifle in hand, on a determined hunt. But I gotta admit, if you were to put me in the middle of the woods, gave me a big gun and told me that there were bears about...I would be freak.ing..out. Bears are big and scary and dangerous and deadly and even though I think pictures of them catching fish in rivers are majestic and beautiful, you can bet your ass that you will NOT catch me near one of those things. And yet, in the song, the bear hunter has no fear.

It's important in life to sort out what is worth being afraid of and what is not. I know I have a lot of really dumb fears. Such as...
-Standing on step ladders
-Small confined spaces
-A dark house with lots of windows
-My church's basement
-The little girl from The Ring
-And many others I'm sure.
These things are not worth my fear. But, like the Cowardly Lion sings, "if I only had the noyvvv" I could face my fears. But I don't. I don't think I'll ever not get dizzy and freak out when you put me up on a ladder and I don't think I'll ever go down in my church's basement alone. These fears really have no consequence for me...so why face them? Right? If no one is getting hurt or deterred by my silly little fears, why mess with them?

But when you take a step back at look at the big picture, there are lots of things (bigger things) that I am absolutely terrified of that I am having to face in my day to day. You guys are aware of these fears because I've talked about them before. Things like moving away, graduating from college, becoming a responsible adult, being single forever, and living in a cardboard box. I feel that is just the tip of the iceberg. But like the great Van Wilder stated, "Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere." As a second semester senior, there is absolutely no point in sitting around worrying about what is down the road for me in just a few short months. Until then I have a lot to focus on. But unlike my insignificant fears, these biggies are not without consequence should I ignore them.

No one is ever going to force me to stay in a small, confined space for any length of time (I hope). The creepy little girl from The Ring is not real (I double hope). If I ever own a home, I will buy plenty of nightlights and pretty curtains. But I will have to graduate. I will have to learn to live on my own. It's not just a fear. It's a reality.

So I make a choice. Be courageous. Don't let your knees shake. Don't let your palms sweat. If you feel upset, get upset. You don't have to apologize for getting upset. You are human. But find the hope. Find the peace and the clarity. Because it's there. The big bears in life may be scary but you can be the brave bear hunter with your powerful weapons. Weapons like optimism and priorities and friendship. Weapons like love. In cases like this, love can be the most powerful weapon of all. Love is like a grenade. Love is napalm. Wow, I never thought I'd utter that statement and mean it positively.. hm.

Baby steps, though. I'm not graduating tomorrow, after all. So while I wait for not-so-dooms day, I want to have noyv in smaller, newer ways.

I sense a hairstyle change coming on.