Wooo Hooo...Witchy Woman

There was some great music to come out of the 1970s. I was coming back to school yesterday and I had my Sirius/XM set to 70s on 7. For almost two full hours I jammed out to Classics from The Eagles, Skynard, Sir Elton, and others. And I must say, it was marvelous. I also had my grandparents in the car with me so that just added to the win, I think... Yeah, in some weird way it adds to the win.

So I went home this weekend for the first time since Christmas break. I got really busy at school with Little Women and never could find a weekend to get home (I really didn't have this weekend free either considering I had a chorale performance at 7 freaking AM this morning). But dammit, I got myself home this weekend and even though I only stayed about 25 hours, it was a nice visit. I probably won't get to go back again until Easter. I was discussing this with my roommates last night. This semester is quickly speeding past my eyes and it's going to be over before I know it.

This coming week, some friends and I are going down to Folly Beach, SC for Spring Break. Then two weekends after that, I'm going up to New York for a long weekend. Then Easter. Then my mom's 50th birthday. Then the spring production (which thank heaven I am not involved in). Then my good friend Hannah's wedding. Then the One Act Festival (for which I'll be directing a play). Then the following week is finals.

Ho...ly...crap.

I'll have a few weeks off in May to relax before starting summer classes on the first of June. Class all June. Second session starts July 1. Class all July. A week or so off in August and then bam.

I'll be a college senior. How the hell did that happen?

They say that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. I feel like I am at a stand still, personally, but life is moving rapidly all around me. My best friend will be going out to L.A. next spring. My other best friend is graduating in December. My youth pastor is looking for a new job so he'll be moving churches. A good friend of mine is thinking about studying in Australia. People I know who are graduating this May are in all kinds of talks of applying to law schools, graduate schools, moving away, getting jobs, (in some cases) getting married, and starting a real life. And all this freaks me out so much.

Of course I am so happy for all those people in my life who are moving forward. I guess I'm just afraid of getting left behind. I have so many dreams for myself but I just don't quite know how to reach them or if I'm even good enough. I'm never the best at anything I do. I'm always just somewhere in the middle. And everyone is way too polite. I just want to find something that I could do with gusto and people will say, "Wow, she was born to do this." And I'll feel that way, too. It also wouldn't hurt if I found someONE to go along with this whole dream scenario. My goodness. Loneliness sucks ass. If I could find someone who loves me for just being me, no bells or whistles, just simple romance, that would be lovely. Of course it's never that simple is it? Nothing ever is. At least the things worth achieving never are.

So I'm willing to fight. I'm willing to fight for my life. I want it all. I want to be the best. I want to fly. I want to be an astronaut, a cowgirl, a gameshow host. I want to be a movie star. I want to marry my best friend. I want kids who are cooler than our neighbors' kids. I want to prove myself as a human being. I want to be a "Mensch."

Please pray for me. I need to find my wings.