The last couple of days have been up and down. I'll feel pretty down one minute, looking at the world from an extremely pessimistic viewpoint, then the next minute I'll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready for challenges and whatever shit this world has to throw at me.
What's that called? (don't say bipolar, don't say bipolar, don't say bipolar)
P.S. I'm not bipolar. I'm just a twenty one year old college girl who can't make up her mind about anything to save her life. My opinions about myself, the world, others, God, shifts a little every day. I think I'm learning but it's mostly just annoying. I'd really enjoy some kind of constant to come along soon. But I'm afraid the only constant is change. And the irony that reaks from that statement is perhaps the truest thing I've ever said. Well, written... thought? Whatever.
As of right now, this moment, I feel good. I have a German test in the morning. For the first time all year, I don't feel anxious about this one. I feel like I am going to walk in there at 8 AM and kick that test's ass. Also, it's snowing outside right now. Maybe we'll get another two hour delay. So I will then be kicking the test's ass at 10. That'd be good. Give it a little more time to dread my wrath. Das Klausur ist tot.
I also just finished a rough draft for a short film in my screenwriting class. I am so proud of it. It's not that it's some kind of masterpiece or anything, but it is a legit little short film. There is a plot and characters and they talk and everything. And I wrote it. Isn't that special? I think it's really special and I am excited about it. I don't even care what kind of grade I get on it. Point is that I wrote it, I created it. I made art. I'm an artist. Check me out. Well, I'm a student. But someday...
I also think I've found my one act for the festival. I am so stoked, it's not even funny. There are lots of cuts I have to make, but I'm gonna make em. I am a woman on a mission. I've been wanting to do this one act ever since I understood that I would have the opportunity to direct while in college. I'm doing it, so help me God. Literally, God, please help me make smart cuts so my professor will let me do this and I won't have to pick something lame(r).
On Sunday, I'm leaving for the beach and I'll be gone for a whole week. And I'm going to swim, and read a trashy trashy romance novel (cause I can), and sleep a lot, and eat a lot, and have so much fun it'll be coming out of my eyeballs. Fun, that is. Yes. F.U.N.
I went down to the theater tonight to loan a friend my Canon Rebel. I got to chill for a little while during a rehearsal for a show that I'm not in. It was so...weird. I miss the theater already. I didn't realize just how much until tonight. When I walked into the theater (this might sound weird) but it smelled so good. Like when you go home. And that smell just made me want to put on a big ole crinoline and dance and sing to "Five Forever." I just ached for it. There's no feeling like being in a show. And as glad as I am to be taking a break and focusing on some other things, I miss it. I miss my first love.
I'm going to New York in a couple of weeks. I'll be seeing some shows while I'm up there (not sure which ones yet, but does it really matter?). I can't wait. I want to just be there right now. And I want to get up on that stage on the Great White Way and put on a big ole crinoline and dance ans sing to some song that's cooler than "Five Forever."
Nobody said it was easy. Nobody said it would be this hard.
No comments:
Post a Comment