The Happiness Dress

I had a conversation with a good friend of mine earlier. I'd really like to share. I'm going to tell you a story. As you read it, you're going to think it's completely pointless and wonder where I'm going with it. But bear with me. For in the words of the great Elle Woods, "I have a point, I promise."

My senior year of high school, I went prom dress shopping with my mom one Saturday. Now there are some girls who buy their senior prom dresses days, weeks, months, YEARS in advance. It's kind of a big deal to some people. I, on the other hand, had put it off (of course). It was about a month before prom. When it comes down to it like that, you have to get your dresses then because if you wait all the good ones will be gone and you'll wind up with something frilly, sparkly, and (as I shudder) poofy. It ain't pretty.

So as I walked into the very first dress shop with my mom that day, I had a certain attitude. Some girls have a very specific preconceived notion about exactly what kind of dress they want. The color. The style. The length. Everything. And I had gone out dress shopping with those kinds of notions in the past. And every time I did, I always ended up very disappointed. Once you have that "perfect dress" in your mind, nothing else seems to measure up. You're left dissatisfied and settle for a dress you just kinda like. So that day I told myself that I needed to approach this hunt in an entirely new fashion (Ha, fashion. Get it?) I told myself, "Melanie, don't go in there with any kind of particulars in mind. Just find a dress that fits you and looks good on you."

The very first dress I tried on in the very first shop we went to was this bright orange number. It was strapless and sort of flared out at the bottom. It wasn't exactly my style considering that I'm much more of a jeans and flannel shirt kinda gal. But it was kind of pretty and my size so I thought, "Well, alright." And I tried it on.

This dress was perfect. On the hanger it was meh but on it was wow. It fit just right. No alterations would be needed. It was even reasonably priced. All in all, the perfect dress.

But I did not buy it right away. I thought, "Well yeah, this dress seems perfect. But this is the first shop I've been to, the first dress I've tried on. Surely there are other options out there. I'm going to just put this on hold and keep looking."

My mom and I went to about four other dress shops that day. Nothing else even came close. I knew as soon as we left that first shop that I was going to be coming back for that dress. And in the end, I did. And I wore it to my senior prom. And I felt like the prettiest girl in the room.

I didn't tell you this story to sound materialistic or vain. Not at all. This is my point...

If you try to find your perfect fits in this world, whether they be prom dresses or people, attempting to cram them into an "ideal mold" you've created will only leave you completely disappointed. Change your mold to fit the things that take your breath away. Only then will you find true satisfaction with the decisions that you make. Only then will you feel like the prettiest girl in the room.

This whole post really isn't about a dress at all.

Thanksgiving Blog 2010

I’m thankful for…

An old-fashioned heart
A sense of humor that keeps me laughing often
A love for all things cute and fluffy
The mountains
Water: lakes, rivers, oceans, you name it.
Good books
Good books about relationships
Good books about adventure
Good books about love
Good books about romance
Ah hell, I’ll just say it. I’m thankful for romance novels.
Broadway musicals and the people who love them
The sky from dusk til sunrise
Fiber optic Christmas Trees
Garden gnomes named Oscar
Junk food
Diet Mt. Dew
Sprite…a whole lot of it
Rain, but only when I’m listening to it while falling asleep
The rest of the time, sunshine
Or snow. Snow.
Singing while driving
Sutton Foster
Thrilling new pizza toppings
My secret prayer before I go to sleep each night
Sunday afternoons at Nana’s
Paula Deen
Harry Potter
Entertainers who never back down
Charleston, SC
New York City, NY
London, England
Walt Disney
Anything and everything Titanic
Cartoons
Used book stores
Wavy hair
Playing dress up at the age of 21
Home-made detective capes
Panda Pillow Pets
“That’s what she said” jokes
Inside jokes
Always being the last one to get the joke
Celebrity impressions…Daniel Day Lewis in particular
Manta rays
Yellow car
Men that prove that chivalry isn’t dead
Men that can tell a girl she is beautiful using only his eyes
Men with the balls to say it anyway
Pretending that my life has a soundtrack
Never settling for anything less than childhood dreams
Being obsessive-compulsive about neatness
Milligan College
Elizabethton, TN
The Well
Alt Nation, Live on Broadway, 70s on 7, 90s on 9, and Classic Vinyl
Driving alone
Sucking at sports
Funny voices
Euchre
Jason Segel
Dane Cook
My roommate’s Twitter account
The front porch of Hart Hall on Monday & Wednesday afternoons
Having whole conversations in movie quotes
Discovering that you aren’t the only one
Sleeping in
Sleeping in general
Friends with cameras
Intelligent conversations
Hilariously obnoxious conversations
Emotional outbursts
Genuine characters
Genuine people
Real people
A family that extends beyond a tree
Tomorrow’s promise


Psalm 107:1 “Give THANKS to the LORD for He is good. His LOVE endures forever.”

In the Great Wide Somewhere

Jo: Well, of course Aunt March prefers Amy over me. Why shouldn't she? I'm ugly and awkward and I always say the wrong things. I fly around throwing away perfectly good marriage proposals. I love our home, but I'm just so fitful and I can't stand being here! I'm sorry, I'm sorry Marmee. There's just something really wrong with me. I want to change, but I - I can't. And I just know I'll never fit in anywhere.

A good talk with a beautiful friend of mine today reminded me how important this subject really is and how desperately I've been meaning to bring it up. Like Jo March and most every other woman of my young age, I find myself at a cross roads as of late. I think about these amazing women...actually no, simply amazing people...people who have gone out, stepped out of their bubble, their comfort zones, and found not only themselves but adventure and life. I crave that so much sometimes, I can't stand it. And lately I've started thinking, I need to stop thinking and just freakin' DO something about it!

We weren't meant to just sit around and wait forever. Of course, like I've stressed to myself all semester, patience is an incredibly important thing...but having a good life to wait for is equally important. Your life is in God's hands. He's the potter; you're the clay. But I don't want to be sitting on the spinning wheel as this nasty, unkept, dirty, hardening piece of clay. That's gross. No, I want to be fresh, clean, and most importantly moldable. And in order to do that, I need to start making some decisions.

The people around me...good friends of mine...their lives are changing and for the better. Some are going to travel to far off lands or across the country. Some are planning their weddings. Some are busy planting seeds that will surely be helping them out in the near future. One of my friends just released a legit music album. And all these endeavors of my friends, it makes me jump for joy. I'm so excited for all of them! It sincerely warms my heart to see so many people that I care so deeply about succeed. I want to be the kind of friend that is always going to show support and encouragement. But I can't help but ask myself the selfish question...

What about my own adventure?

I've grown up in East Tennessee. I'm an only child. My parents are incredibly supportive of me. My friends are the siblings I never had. I'm surrounded by love. I've gotten a great education. I've experienced culture and art in different cities. I've worked my way up the totem pole. I am 100% confident when I say that whatever journey God has planned for me, where I am right now is exactly where I'm supposed to be.

But graduation quickly approaches. What happens then? I'm not really scared or freaking out when I write this. I'm surprisingly (and uncharacteristically) calm. I'm just simply...curious. In a way, it's sort of thrilling to know that my life is going to change in just a few short months. Where will I be? Who will I meet? What will I be doing? I could do anything with the foundation I have, praise God.

I guess my biggest fear is that...
Nothing will change.
Everything will stay the same.
I'll move back home.
I won't take the leap.
Vanilla.

I can't do that. For heaven's sake! I can't do that! I won't let myself. I don't want to look back on my 22 year old self (that's how old I'll be come graduation) and think, "Man, I should have done this..." That would be a fate worse than death. I want my adventure. So bad. And the closer to May 7th I get, the stronger that desire grows.

That same friend that I mentioned earlier who just had am album released, well she's also extremely brilliant and she gave me a great piece of advice a while back.

"Mel, when I think about the things I regret the most in my life, it's not the things I did. It's the things I didn't do."

I know things will happen. I have faith. God will mold me and put me where I'm supposed to be. Theatre degree in my hand and all. But until then, I guess I can just pray and dream of the ideal.

I bought a travel guide book for Charleston the other day. $5.
I also bought a London calendar.

All I know is that somewhere through a clearing
There's a shimmering of sunlight on a river, long and wide
And I have such a river inside

She will be loved.

I probably shouldn't be writing at the moment. It could be dangerous. But I haven't written anything in a while. Part of the reason is because school has bogged me down somethin' awful and I just flat out haven't had time. Another (and probably the more prevalent reason) is because I just haven't had the patience to organize all my thoughts as of late. You know you're overloaded when...

But for now...I'll try. I feel like lately, that's all I'm doing: trying. I mean, why not, right? We have one life to live. We might as well keep trying everyday to make it the best possible life we can. And I can say with all honesty that this semester has been one of the best semesters of school I've ever had. I've done many things I've never done before. I've done things I'd never thought I'd have the opportunity to do. I've found myself introduced and reintroduced to people who have truly shaped me for the better. And I am so thankful that I serve such a loving God who takes such good care of me.

Especially considering that I don't deserve a shred of it.

When you have so much, all you can be is humble. I've tried to cocky thing. More than once. And I won't lie, sometimes being cocky feels really good. But only for a moment. One thing that has really come into focus for me over the past few weeks is that life is simply this moment. Right now. The past is gone. The future doesn't exist. Life is simply now. So when you look around at all the blessings you have in the "now," you have to be humble. Because sitting around thinking about how much you deserve it all will not get you very far.

But it's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along

Find those that shape you, those that challenge you, those who surprise you, those who impress you, those who intrigue you, those who make you laugh, those who love you. Those who love you. Those who love you. And hold on to these people. Fight for these people. Understand that they are just that...people. They're not angels. They're not demons. Just people. But people who are, nevertheless, very important to you. Have faith in people. It hurts sometimes. And sometimes you might want to throw in the towel.

But God never forgets any of His sheep. So why on Earth should we?

Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while

"Flight"

Listen to this and tell me you don't get chills. Simply gorgeous.

I don't know
But maybe I'm just a fool
I should keep to the ground
I should stay where I'm at
Maybe everyone has hunger like this
And the hunger will pass
But I can't think like that

Fly Me to the Moon...Check.

Photo by Mark Peacock

"I want what everyone wants...to want nothing."
"Don't condemn your audience before you've given them a chance to be kind."
"No one changes people. One simply makes changes that people learn to accept."

Words of wisdom from a very curious old lady.

I just wrapped a production of John Patrick's The Curious Savage. Words cannot describe what I'm feeling at the moment. But I'll try.

Relief
Sadness
Gladness
Joy
Homesickness
Victory
Humbleness
Clarity
Hopefulness

I'm just a mess of contradictions at the moment. But that's okay. It's allowed. I'll never forget this experience. I've done this show before. But I was only 16 at the time. I had no real grasp on the role, the play, or really on life. Although at 21, I'm not much closer to that grasp on life, I tried to make up for it otherwise. Two outta three ain't bad, they say. This play was more than a play to me. It was a mark on my personal life. Yes, people came and saw it. Yes, people said they thoroughly enjoyed it. But sitting here, on the first Monday night I've had free in over a month, I just keep thinking...

It's all for God's glory. Not my own. Not even my brilliant cast mates. Not even my amazing director. No. Just Him.

I'd be lying if I said the applause didn't feel good. Or that the compliments and praise don't elate me and make my actress head swell. They do. But I remain where I started. With two feet planted firmly on the ground. And God forgives my head being in the clouds every now and then. (Praise God for that, lol).

I speak as if I just cured cancer or flew to the moon. I didn't. No way. I was simply in a little production. But in my tiny little universe, I might as well have flown to the moon. But no one can pull off a feat like that alone. And so I credit all who gave me the courage, support, and means to fly all the way to the moon and back again safely. These are people that I know will continue to send me back there again and again if I'm willing. I thank God every day for these people. For without them, what adventure could I ever possibly explore?

I want to be Houston. I want to send others to the moon; much like curious Mrs. Savage, wanting to help others realize their foolish dreams. They're the most important ones, after all. I want every person I know to feel as elated as I felt standing on that stage last weekend. I want everyone I know to have that feeling of belonging...like you're right where God wants you to be...on your moon. Surround yourself with people that will get you there. Because there's nothing like it.

And once you get there, smile at Him. Because you're closer to Him at that moment than you've ever been before. Even if you're acting like a curious old lady. He can appreciate the entertainment, the foolishness. Because that's where He wants you.

So until the next trip...

VIPs (Very Important P's)

Prayer
There is nothing on this whole entire planet that can take the place of an intimate relationship with God. Prayer is your direct line to the Father. And He likes for you to call Him everyday to check in and see how things are going. If things are good, He wants to know about it. Tell Him all about your days. And when things are crummy, tell Him about it. He wants to help you out. He truly does. I would go so far to say never stop praying. Always be talking to Him. Never shut up. You might think He gets sick of listening to you, but nothing could be further from the truth. Babble. Ramble. Talk til your lungs give out (they won't). He enjoys it. And we should enjoy it, too.

Patience
Wait. Pause. Hold your horses. However you want to label it, ya gotta be patient. A lot of times, when we want something, we just go for it. When we don't get it, we're left disappointed and wondering why it's not ours and what we did wrong in the process. The key might not be WHAT we did but WHEN we did it. I know life is short and you can't just sit around and hope for blessings but I do believe that occasionally, some things are worth waiting for. Important things. Really important things. I think back on the biggest elements of my past...the things/people/events that have shaped me the most as a person. Those things did not happen overnight. Those things didn't happen in the blink of an eye. They took time. They took patience. But once I got them/got through them, I was never the same. And in the present, it's all good.

Persistence
Why be patient if you don't plan on being persistent? Part of patience is keeping a firm grasp on things. Knowing what your heart is set on and not letting go of it. When you have to wait and then you do and things are taking a little longer than you thought they would, are you just going to let go and forget it? Doesn't that seem like a waste of time? True belief in "getting" comes from getting a grip on your wants and needs and understanding what's worth holding on to. Don't let it go if it's really on your heart. Have faith.

Perspective
Open your mind. See all sides, the big picture. Travel. Talk to people. Read. Write. Do whatever you have to do to understand that the world does not revolve around you. We each have our own personal little "universe." There are lots of people in our universe. We know them. They are our friends. Our family. Our peers. Our co-workers. our enemies even. Our universe has a setting, a plot, characters. Now zoom out. Your universe is actually just a cog in the giant machine of the REAL universe. Essential? Yes. But center? Not by a long shot. In getting perspective, we are humbled. We are small. But we are also important and loved. Don't forget that part.

Practice
We all screw up. A lot. If at first you don't succeed...give up (as my theatre friends so ironically said the other day). But my friends were totally wrong (and joking) on this occasion. TRY, TRY AGAIN. If we didn't we'd all end up homeless, jobless, spouseless, friendless, old people. I don't know about you but I don't want that life. Ever. That life sounds God-awful. I want to keep trying. I want to keep putting myself out there. What kind of story will you tell about yourself when you really are old? "Oh yes, I encountered trials in my day as a youngster but I just gave up...ta-da!" ...Don't end up telling that story. Just...don't. K?

Perseverance
Sometimes in going through the rest of these "p's", it gets pretty tough. We try to be patient but we end up waiting around forever. With persistence, we end up trying too hard. With practice, we get easily frustrating with ourselves and our personal failures. So through all these seemingly impossible "p's" remember that you are gaining a TON of perseverance. And this "p" is pretty cool. Once we go through a tough experience, we come out of it with a little more wisdom than what we had when we went into it. That's also where perspective comes in here. When the bad stuff happens, yes it sucks and you're totally allowed to be pissed off at the world for a little while. Go right ahead. But don't be bitter for too long. Enjoy the perseverance. You're way stronger than you think you are. You can learn from everything that happens to you. And this strength cannot be gained any other way.

Priorities
Sort 'em out. Know what's number one. And number two. And three. And so on. Write it down if you need to. If superficial things reside at the top of your list, my friend, you need to reprioritize. Put the irreplaceable things at the top. Put the things that you absolutely can't live without at the top. Put the things you truly love at the top. Not the things you want. Not the things you think you need. Get real, honestly and sincerely. Once you have this "p" all sorted out and organized from top to bottom, it will change your attitude and your goals. And although they are not "p's", attitude and goals are two very important elements of life.

People
They'll bug you. They'll disappoint you. They'll piss you off. They'll hurt you. They can be so incredibly horrible sometimes, you wish you were on a deserted island, just so you can get away from everyone and all they're crap they bring with them. But...alas...people are important. Extremely. We need each other. Family. Friends. People are crucial to the human experience. Don't build walls. Let them in. Yes, there is a chance you'll get hurt there. So what? Let people in, gain some of the rest of these "p's." And maybe you'll gain some other nice things. Like love, trust, friendship, companionship, kindred spirits, humor, kindness, and help. People can help. Sometimes people help you the most when they don't even know it. And you know, you help other people when you don't realize it. You really do. People need you, too. So stick around for them. Be the kind of person that you know others can rely on, despite how others treat you. Be the kind of person that YOU would be friends with and trust completely. Don't run from company. You need it whether you like that or not.

Praise
We all crave the pat on the back. Good job, slugger. Way to go. You're awesome. But sometimes those pats on the back just...don't come. Is it always because we've done something "wrong"? No. But if we sit around all our lives expecting praise for what we do, how can we ever be humble? How can we ever do God's work? We can't. If people want to praise us, that's wonderful. But don't get hooked. Don't get addicted. Enjoy it when it happens, by all means. But what we must always do...no matter what...good times or bad...praise the Lord. He gives us all things. His love and mercy never stop. He created us. Give God the pat on the back! Tell Him how awesome you think He is. Bring that to your prayers! Don't leave it out. We are commanded. But it shouldn't be an obligation. It's a good feeling to praise God. It just gets harder to do when bad things happen. I know. It's really hard. But we have to rise above it. See Him through everything. He's there. And He's still just as awesome as He was when the good stuff was happening. Praise. Praise. Praise.

Power/Popularity/Politics/Pleasure/Peer Pressure
No. Just no. Don't go near any of them. They suck. No. No. No. That is all.

Lastly...

Peace
When peace like a river attendeth my way/ When sorrow like sea billows roll/ Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say/ It is well, it is well with my soul
Find peace. I can't tell you how to find it. It's a different journey for every person and every situation. Each discovery of peace, I think, is a totally unique experience. But when you find it, try to hold on to it. It's a true gift from God.

You know, "preaching" also begins with a "p." ...Maybe that's not a coincidence.