As we roll into another new year, I, like most everyone else on the planet, am trying to make a list in my head of all the resolutions I would like to make. Such as...
Start flossing. I mean, not just right before the biannual trip to the dentist. But a habitual, every day occurrence. Don't judge me. Like you floss. Please.
Stop drinking soda. I've made this resolution every single year. It never holds up. So this year I've decided to give myself a little leeway. No more soda EXCEPT Diet Mt. Dew. Everyone has their vices. And Diet Dew is mine. 2011 will not be without it.
Complete my second movie list. 40 movies. I can do that. I've done that.
Learn how to properly budget my dollars. I've been called a frugal before. I'm not worried about accidentally spending every dime I have or winding up eyeball-deep in credit card debt. But I want to learn how to be an adult and learn how to budget.
By the end of 2011, I want what I am henceforth referring to as "My Own." I want my own walls, my own mail, my own bed, my own sheets and pillows on that bed, my own gas in my own car, my own view from my own window. So what if I'm renting? So what if I got help getting there? I want to end 2011 with a whole bunch of "my owns."
And graduate college. And that's all I have to say about that.
I had a very interesting and all-in-all very satisfying 2010. It's very nice to have this blog. I can look back on so much this way. But 2011 will be different. Bigger. My life will change in 2011. Because I will graduate. I will move out of my parents' house. I will have to find a real job. I will have to pay my own bills. I will be on my own. It's scary as hell but I am very excited. May the Lord bless me and keep me. Gosh, am I allowed to say that to myself? I guess at times in life such as this, it's allowed in His eyes. I'd say He gets a nice chuckle because of me on multiple occasions. Here I am, freaking out, worrying, being me. And He has everything under control, much to my forgetfulness. I would be chuckling, too. It's part of why I love Him so much.
Here's to 2010. The smiles. The tears. The loves. The pain. The lessons learned. And here's to 2011. May the next chapter be one of equal richness and greater maturity. Happy new year, everyone. May all your resolutions, big or small, be realized. I am thinking of you tonight as the clock strikes twelve.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Christmas Blog 2010
I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play.
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of Peace on earth, good will to men.
I thought how as the day had come
The belfries of all Christendom
Had roll'd along th' unbroken song
Of Peace on earth, good will to men.
And in despair, I bow'd my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song,
Of Peace on earth, good will to men."
Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound the carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearthstones of a continent,
And made forlorn, the households born
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep;
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With Peace on earth, good will to men."
Till, ringing singing, on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Though another year has come and gone, God is still as ever present as He was, is, and will forever be. Though we go through good times, bad times, and even worse times, the bells of Christmas will forever ring as God's promise. He sent His own son to Earth, born to a virgin and in a manger, all those years ago. And these Christmas bells annually remind us that He is coming again.
Whatever you believe in this Christmas, it is my prayer that the season finds you merry.
Luke 2:13-14, "And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'"
Their old familiar carols play.
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of Peace on earth, good will to men.
I thought how as the day had come
The belfries of all Christendom
Had roll'd along th' unbroken song
Of Peace on earth, good will to men.
And in despair, I bow'd my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song,
Of Peace on earth, good will to men."
Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound the carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearthstones of a continent,
And made forlorn, the households born
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep;
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With Peace on earth, good will to men."
Till, ringing singing, on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Though another year has come and gone, God is still as ever present as He was, is, and will forever be. Though we go through good times, bad times, and even worse times, the bells of Christmas will forever ring as God's promise. He sent His own son to Earth, born to a virgin and in a manger, all those years ago. And these Christmas bells annually remind us that He is coming again.
Whatever you believe in this Christmas, it is my prayer that the season finds you merry.
Luke 2:13-14, "And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'"
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Life Imitating Art
I recently applied for a few jobs in hopes of making some extra cash over Christmas break. I applied to several different places but in all honesty I'm probably not going to get hired by any of them. I mean, if you were a retail store would YOU want to hire a 21 year old college student with no retail experience for only about 3 weeks during the busiest time of the year? Yeah, I don't think so. It's no biggie. I understand their plight completely. I wouldn't want to do that either. But in this whole process of job hunting, I started thinking about my profession. I love acting. I earnestly believe it's what I was put on this Earth to do. I feel the most at home and the most happy when I'm on stage or even just in front of an audience. Performing is my passion. I love it. And I am a firm believer that what a person's passions are defines them. Even Jesus said that where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. When Jesus spoke those words, He meant them in the context of being very careful where you place your heart; be picky about what you devote your time, your life to. But if God calls you to a passion, I say place your heart in it as much as you can. For where God calls you, there HE is also.
If life imitates art, what kind of life does the actor build?
I think that's why I'm such a people pleaser. When I'm on stage, I'm under total scrutiny. If I flub a line, the audience might not know...but then again they might totally know. If I break character, chances are they'll definitely know. And they laugh, sometimes not with you. I'm simply accustomed to being in the spotlight in the sense that everyone is paying attention to the things I do and say. But that is NOT how things are in the real world. The stage and reality are really far apart, no matter how much you want to debate me on that. If I flub a line or break "character" in real life, no one is probably going to know except me. But I've never looked at it that way. My friends and family are well aware that I wear my heart of my sleeve, that my face might as well be made of glass; the transparency of my emotions is utterly overwhelming. I've always brought that element of understanding of seemingly constant judgement into my reality. And sometimes I get my heart broken that way. Sometimes I embarrass myself that way. And worse, sometimes I hurt others this way. And that's the part I hate the most I think.
In a story told on stage or screen, there are usually 3 acts: the introduction/exposition; the rise of action or conflict; and the fall of action and the resolution. That's the key word right there: resolution. I sometimes feel like I'm sitting around waiting for answers that I'm sure are coming. Soon. Like old fairy tales, if the Big Bad Wolf eats Grandma then the Big Bad Wolf is going to meet his end. It's not even a question. Not to sound like a cynic, but in reality Big Bad Wolves eat Grandma's everyday for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (not literally... I mean, I guess this could be literal somewhere out there although I sure do hope not). What I mean is, the villains in life don't always get what they deserve. And what's worse is that often times the heroes don't reap the benefits of their good deeds either. Very little resolution lies out there for the taking. Gosh this post has slowly taken a turn for the depressing. How did that happen? I'm serious. I mean you kind readers no sadness. Gee whiz. Let me just get to my point...
My point IS that nothing in life ever happens like you expect. People might not care about what you say or how you say it or choices you make. Maybe the ones you want to care don't and the ones you don't want to care do. You might do something great and get ignored or cut down. You might do something really nasty and get rewarded. But life will never deal you the cards you expect or the cards you think you want.
But life will always deal you the cards you need.
This might be blasphemous, but God is the dealer.
And if that's the case, I'm going all in.
I'm kind of glad to be an actor, really. Escapism is a very precious gift. It's nice to live in a world where resolution and approval run free and happy. Even if it's only for a couple of hours a night in rehearsal. And I don't act to escape (all the time). No. I act for you. Because life, whether it is imitating art or not, is hard. And I want to be here to be the one who turns that frown of yours upside down. I hope I can succeed.
Did I bounce back from the depressing stuff? I hope so.
If life imitates art, what kind of life does the actor build?
I think that's why I'm such a people pleaser. When I'm on stage, I'm under total scrutiny. If I flub a line, the audience might not know...but then again they might totally know. If I break character, chances are they'll definitely know. And they laugh, sometimes not with you. I'm simply accustomed to being in the spotlight in the sense that everyone is paying attention to the things I do and say. But that is NOT how things are in the real world. The stage and reality are really far apart, no matter how much you want to debate me on that. If I flub a line or break "character" in real life, no one is probably going to know except me. But I've never looked at it that way. My friends and family are well aware that I wear my heart of my sleeve, that my face might as well be made of glass; the transparency of my emotions is utterly overwhelming. I've always brought that element of understanding of seemingly constant judgement into my reality. And sometimes I get my heart broken that way. Sometimes I embarrass myself that way. And worse, sometimes I hurt others this way. And that's the part I hate the most I think.
In a story told on stage or screen, there are usually 3 acts: the introduction/exposition; the rise of action or conflict; and the fall of action and the resolution. That's the key word right there: resolution. I sometimes feel like I'm sitting around waiting for answers that I'm sure are coming. Soon. Like old fairy tales, if the Big Bad Wolf eats Grandma then the Big Bad Wolf is going to meet his end. It's not even a question. Not to sound like a cynic, but in reality Big Bad Wolves eat Grandma's everyday for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (not literally... I mean, I guess this could be literal somewhere out there although I sure do hope not). What I mean is, the villains in life don't always get what they deserve. And what's worse is that often times the heroes don't reap the benefits of their good deeds either. Very little resolution lies out there for the taking. Gosh this post has slowly taken a turn for the depressing. How did that happen? I'm serious. I mean you kind readers no sadness. Gee whiz. Let me just get to my point...
My point IS that nothing in life ever happens like you expect. People might not care about what you say or how you say it or choices you make. Maybe the ones you want to care don't and the ones you don't want to care do. You might do something great and get ignored or cut down. You might do something really nasty and get rewarded. But life will never deal you the cards you expect or the cards you think you want.
But life will always deal you the cards you need.
This might be blasphemous, but God is the dealer.
And if that's the case, I'm going all in.
I'm kind of glad to be an actor, really. Escapism is a very precious gift. It's nice to live in a world where resolution and approval run free and happy. Even if it's only for a couple of hours a night in rehearsal. And I don't act to escape (all the time). No. I act for you. Because life, whether it is imitating art or not, is hard. And I want to be here to be the one who turns that frown of yours upside down. I hope I can succeed.
Did I bounce back from the depressing stuff? I hope so.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
The Happiness Dress
I had a conversation with a good friend of mine earlier. I'd really like to share. I'm going to tell you a story. As you read it, you're going to think it's completely pointless and wonder where I'm going with it. But bear with me. For in the words of the great Elle Woods, "I have a point, I promise."
My senior year of high school, I went prom dress shopping with my mom one Saturday. Now there are some girls who buy their senior prom dresses days, weeks, months, YEARS in advance. It's kind of a big deal to some people. I, on the other hand, had put it off (of course). It was about a month before prom. When it comes down to it like that, you have to get your dresses then because if you wait all the good ones will be gone and you'll wind up with something frilly, sparkly, and (as I shudder) poofy. It ain't pretty.
So as I walked into the very first dress shop with my mom that day, I had a certain attitude. Some girls have a very specific preconceived notion about exactly what kind of dress they want. The color. The style. The length. Everything. And I had gone out dress shopping with those kinds of notions in the past. And every time I did, I always ended up very disappointed. Once you have that "perfect dress" in your mind, nothing else seems to measure up. You're left dissatisfied and settle for a dress you just kinda like. So that day I told myself that I needed to approach this hunt in an entirely new fashion (Ha, fashion. Get it?) I told myself, "Melanie, don't go in there with any kind of particulars in mind. Just find a dress that fits you and looks good on you."
The very first dress I tried on in the very first shop we went to was this bright orange number. It was strapless and sort of flared out at the bottom. It wasn't exactly my style considering that I'm much more of a jeans and flannel shirt kinda gal. But it was kind of pretty and my size so I thought, "Well, alright." And I tried it on.
This dress was perfect. On the hanger it was meh but on it was wow. It fit just right. No alterations would be needed. It was even reasonably priced. All in all, the perfect dress.
But I did not buy it right away. I thought, "Well yeah, this dress seems perfect. But this is the first shop I've been to, the first dress I've tried on. Surely there are other options out there. I'm going to just put this on hold and keep looking."
My mom and I went to about four other dress shops that day. Nothing else even came close. I knew as soon as we left that first shop that I was going to be coming back for that dress. And in the end, I did. And I wore it to my senior prom. And I felt like the prettiest girl in the room.
I didn't tell you this story to sound materialistic or vain. Not at all. This is my point...
If you try to find your perfect fits in this world, whether they be prom dresses or people, attempting to cram them into an "ideal mold" you've created will only leave you completely disappointed. Change your mold to fit the things that take your breath away. Only then will you find true satisfaction with the decisions that you make. Only then will you feel like the prettiest girl in the room.
This whole post really isn't about a dress at all.
My senior year of high school, I went prom dress shopping with my mom one Saturday. Now there are some girls who buy their senior prom dresses days, weeks, months, YEARS in advance. It's kind of a big deal to some people. I, on the other hand, had put it off (of course). It was about a month before prom. When it comes down to it like that, you have to get your dresses then because if you wait all the good ones will be gone and you'll wind up with something frilly, sparkly, and (as I shudder) poofy. It ain't pretty.
So as I walked into the very first dress shop with my mom that day, I had a certain attitude. Some girls have a very specific preconceived notion about exactly what kind of dress they want. The color. The style. The length. Everything. And I had gone out dress shopping with those kinds of notions in the past. And every time I did, I always ended up very disappointed. Once you have that "perfect dress" in your mind, nothing else seems to measure up. You're left dissatisfied and settle for a dress you just kinda like. So that day I told myself that I needed to approach this hunt in an entirely new fashion (Ha, fashion. Get it?) I told myself, "Melanie, don't go in there with any kind of particulars in mind. Just find a dress that fits you and looks good on you."
The very first dress I tried on in the very first shop we went to was this bright orange number. It was strapless and sort of flared out at the bottom. It wasn't exactly my style considering that I'm much more of a jeans and flannel shirt kinda gal. But it was kind of pretty and my size so I thought, "Well, alright." And I tried it on.
This dress was perfect. On the hanger it was meh but on it was wow. It fit just right. No alterations would be needed. It was even reasonably priced. All in all, the perfect dress.
But I did not buy it right away. I thought, "Well yeah, this dress seems perfect. But this is the first shop I've been to, the first dress I've tried on. Surely there are other options out there. I'm going to just put this on hold and keep looking."
My mom and I went to about four other dress shops that day. Nothing else even came close. I knew as soon as we left that first shop that I was going to be coming back for that dress. And in the end, I did. And I wore it to my senior prom. And I felt like the prettiest girl in the room.
I didn't tell you this story to sound materialistic or vain. Not at all. This is my point...
If you try to find your perfect fits in this world, whether they be prom dresses or people, attempting to cram them into an "ideal mold" you've created will only leave you completely disappointed. Change your mold to fit the things that take your breath away. Only then will you find true satisfaction with the decisions that you make. Only then will you feel like the prettiest girl in the room.
This whole post really isn't about a dress at all.
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