Thanksgiving Blog 2011

Last year, my thanksgiving blog was a giant list of all the things I felt thankful for. The listed "thankful items" were things, people, places, and ideas that pretty much defined who I was and what I cared about at that time. Reading through the 2010 blog, all of those things still ring true. But in the past year, a lot has changed. Life isn't quite as simple as it was. But the list of things I am thankful for has definitely grown...not only in size but in depth.

I'm thankful for...

Being a citizen of the United States of America. I know this sounds cliche, but every now and then I really just take a moment to pause and reflect on the fact that I am one lucky girl to be born and raised here in the USA. I've never wanted for anything in my entire life. I am spoiled positively rotten. I am extremely blessed to live in a country that is abundant in everything I would ever need, amazing opportunities to achieve greatness, and the freedom to live my life as I please. It's an incredible thing.

My education. Since last Thanksgiving, I earned my Bachelor's Degree. I'm not trying to beat a dead horse here (because I feel like I bring up school and my graduation a lot), but gosh darn it I can't help but praise every Saint in heaven for the fact that I am an educated individual. And adding to it, my education is exactly where I want it to be. I majored in two arts that have my heart and soul wrapped up in them. Even while I wait for job opportunities, it's such a comfort to know that my education is molded into the exact shape I wanted it to be when I started school.

My family. They have done a brave thing and lifted up a black sheep. They are all, and I mean ALL, scientifically and rationally minded people. There are really no other "artists" in my family. Sure, there are a few who can play an instrument or draw very well or sing beautifully, but none of them attempted to pursue the arts in the fashion that I have. But have they even blinked an eye at my decision to do so? No. They have always fully supported me in all of my endeavors. I know what a huge blessing that is. They are the legs I stand on. I love them.

My MSA 12 family. My three best friends in the whole world. The girls who became the sisters I never had. The girls who put up with my dramatics for 4 years. The girls who were never afraid to admit that they were human. The most wonderful people in the world. I love them. And I pray we will always have each other.

My theatre family. After four years of seeing each other at our best and our worst, we all came out alive. We made each other better. We inspired each other. We were a team. And as time went on, we became a family. I am a better artist because of them. I love them. May we grace stages together again someday. It was just too fun to never happen again.

Art. All of it. Everywhere. The whole kit'n'kaboodle. The beauty of art is that it never ends. May it endure and live on always. May traditions like opera and ballet never die. May the children of the current generation understand that auto-tuned actresses singing against a computerized drum beat does not qualify as music. And grinding is not dancing. But whether I love it or hate it, or whether you love it or hate it, may art in all forms live on.

Tomorrow's promise. This is a repeat from last year's list. But I still think about this one almost every day. Having a rough day? Feeling unsure? Can't shake the doubts? Guess what..this too shall pass. And tomorrow life can change. In fact, life can change right now, in this moment. My point is that the future holds so much potential for greatness. Don't dread it. Expand it. Make it yours. What have you got to lose? It's your life. Hello. Yay.

Last, but certainly not least, I am thankful for a God who knows my needs far better than I ever could or ever will. He leads me to places I would never dare go. He directs me away from places I'm desperate to go. But at the end of the day, it's all in his crazy/amazing plan to make my life a life worth living. Sometimes I go kicking and screaming, but He drags me on, bless Him. Excellent example..He knows that my patience, stamina, and sanity needs some muscle. So He put me to work in a restaurant. Oh, the tricks up His sleeve never cease to amaze me... But seriously, I'm thankful for a God who knows me and loves me anyway. I'm thankful for His mercy. Without it, I'm nothing.

May we all remember to be thankful and count our blessings every day of the year. I pray that your Thanksgiving was filled with love, food, and humbleness.

((Oh and Charleston, Diet Mt Dew, Zebo, bagels and cream cheese, bug comic, Cake Boss, Extreme Couponing, Glee, Applebee's, and S.S.M. Whew. Glad I got that off my chest.))

A Little Night Music, Later

Later... When is later?
All you ever hear is "Later, Henrik. Henrik, later."
"Yes, we know, Henrik! Oh, Henrik!
Everyone agrees, Henrik! Please, Henrik!"
You have a thought you're fairly bursting with,
A personal discovery or problem, and it's:
"What's your rush, Henrik? Shush, Henrik!
Goodness, how you gush, Henrik! Hush, Henrik!
You murmur, 'I only-- It's just that--'
For God's sake, later, Henrik!"
"Henrik... Who is Henrik?
Oh, that lawyer's son, the one who mumbles.
Short and boring,
Yes, he's hardly worth ignoring,
And who cares if he's all damned--" I beg your pardon-- "Up inside?"
As I've often stated,
It's intolerable being tolerated.
"Reassure Henrik, Poor Henrik.
Henrik, you'll endure being pure, Henrik."
Though I've been born, I've never been!
How can I wait around for later?
I'll be ninety on my deathbed
And the late, or, rather, later, Henrik Egerman.
Doesn't anything begin?

Just Go With It

I have not blogged in quite a while. There are a few reasons for this. Two that particularly stand out in my mind: one, I've been busy (isn't that the excuse everybody has all the time?); and two, I haven't really had anything to write about. And when I say that I mean I haven't felt like anything that has happened in the past couple of months has been really "of note" so to speak. But things are slowly starting to change. Shift. Metamorph. Is that a word?

I've been a college graduate for almost 6 months now. It's very hard to believe. Sometimes, when I look at my life where it sits now, I feel a little weirded out. I have always been an over-achiever or, at the very least, an achiever. I've always tried my absolutely hardest to simply excel. I kept good grades. I was involved in extra-ciriculars. I was a student leader. It was right where I wanted to be as a student. It was where my family, friends, and mentors wanted me to be as well. And it was a glorious time. But that season has finally come to an end. The "student" chapter of my life is over. O-v-e-r. So after 19 years of being a fully-programmed student achiever, what do I do now that I have "achieved?"

Last January, I sat down with my theatre professor to discuss my future after graduation. He explained to me what to expect with a theatre job and such and I suddenly felt very panicked. I do this thing when I get very, very nervous where I get very quiet and my eyes tears up and I can't talk because of this giant lump that forms in my throat. Some might call this emotion "terror." I was afraid...afraid of the mere prospect of achieving what I had been working towards my entire life. Seeing this fear due to the fact that I can't hide my emotions even if I tried, my professor (and dear friend) asked me what was wrong. I told him very simply that I was beginning to realize that my whole world revolved around one thing and that I was so scared of both not being able to succeed and also succeeding. Nothing about that concept really made sense but it's just how I felt. If I don't succeed, what was it all for? If I do succeed, what more is there? I know I love what I do, but is there more to discover in life that what I had exposed myself to day-in and day-out for all those years? Was there more life to be ventured and ground to be broken outside the walls I had lovingly built for myself?

Of course there was. Of course there is.

I am a very blessed girl. My professor, my mentors, and even my own parents have all told me the same thing. "Melanie, just be happy. It doesn't matter what you're doing, so long as you are happy. The Lord will work things out the way He wants them no matter what, so what is there to worry about?" I am so thankful that last statement is the truest thing I've ever heard.

So here I am, about six months out of school, life seemingly at some kind of halt. But I look around a see blessings.

I have a job which I have actually grown to love. Not for the job itself necessarily but for the people I've met and befriended there. They really are great people and I know how lucky I am to have the job and the co-workers that I have.
I have a family who supports me, believes in me, and have the patience of saints. That is too much of a blessing to even put into words and I hope that no matter where I end up or what I'm doing that I make them proud.
The relationships I have with my school friends stand strong. Possibly even stronger than before. I know what counts in this life and true friends count in a big way. I hope that I stay friends with these people my whole life. They became my family in many ways. They're the siblings I never had and I love them dearly.
I have made friends and built new relationships with people outside of school friends. This was something I was very nervous about upon graduating. School friends were pretty much all I had ever had. New friends are amazing, especially the ones I've made.

But the most amazing lesson I've learned?

If you let go of yourself...
...your insecurities
...your fears
...your doubts
...your self-proclaimed patterns
...your plans
God will not only open wonderful doors and mind-blowing windows...
...but He'll knock down whole walls.

And you'll find happiness where you least expected it.
When you least expected it.
With whom you least expected it.

And God help you if you don't. just. go with it.

Now that's what I call blessed assurance.

I'll Stand By You

"Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when...
When the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you"

The Bird Ain't the Only Word

At our age, we think we know everything. I know I thought I knew everything as soon as I was old enough to talk. All I wanted was to be a grown-up so people would FINALLY start listening to me and taking what I say seriously because I KNEW what I was talking about. But the older I got, the more I realized that I not only didn't know everything, I really knew nothing.

It's like the old expression, "You know what happens when you assume." Going through life assuming you know what you're doing is not the right way to do things. I mean, I'm an actress. I hope to make a living someday by pretending to know what I'm doing. So sometimes my "work habits" slip into my personal life. And that ain't good. For nobody.

Sometimes when we are forging through life, things can get a little stressful. We come across obstacles that block our path or our light or our focus. It can be quite hard to sort through all the bad stuff and get to the good. But another part of our walk is helping others along to way. It's part of what we, as Christians, are commanded to do by God. Love one another. Love thy neighbor as thyself. Spread love everywhere, with all your heart in it. And granted, there are many different ways to love in this crazy world. But love...love is the most important thing we do. Love is the thing, you know.

To live is to love. I was thinking the other day about the phrase "live your life." What does that really mean? My first thought was traveling. For some reason, and don't ask me why (I know why--it's because I'm weird), when I think about "really living," I picture myself living in a gorgeous penthouse apartment in Venice, Italy. Streets made of water. Breathtaking architecture. Gourmet food. The works. Pure luxury & class. However, when I really stopped to think about my fantasy, I realized that happiness would only exist in Venice for me if I had someone (or many someones) there to enjoy it with me. People I loved.

LOVE IS THE THING.

Tying it back to what I was originally saying, when we think we know it all, we have tenancies to think we flat out know better. We know better than others and sometimes we feel we should let them know that. Sometimes this IS the case and we can help a brother or sister out of love. Other times, this is done simply to show off or out of spite or to rub someone's nose in whatever the case might be. This is not how you love. This is not a good life choice.

Everyone has at least one thing in common. We are all human. We all make mistakes. We all have moments when we are smart and we all have moments when we are complete idiots. The point is that it's okay! If we can humble ourselves to admit that we are not perfect, that we are only human and we need compassion and mercy and love just as much as the next person, that's a definite step in the "good life choice" direction if you ask me.

Brush off your scraped knee and lend a helping hand when your brother falls.

Love is the thing, you know.

Never Alone

After some research, I find I might be the last person on Earth to hear this song. But just in case I'm wrong, I hope this blesses your day like it blessed mine. Let this also be a reminder that I have not forgotten you, oh blog. Not by a long shot.

Chess, Nobody's Side

What's going on around me
Is barely making sense
I need some explanations fast
I see my present partner
In the imperfect tense
And I don't see how we can last
I feel I need a change of cast
Maybe I'm on nobody's side.

And when he gives me reasons
To justify each move
They're getting harder to believe
I know this can't continue
I've still a lot to prove
There must be more I could achieve
But I don't have the nerve to leave.

Everybody's playing the game
But nobody's rules are the same
Nobody's on nobody's side
Better learn to go it alone
Recognize you're out on your own
Nobody's on nobody's side.

The one I should not think of
Keeps rolling through my mind
And I don't want to let that go
No lover's ever faithful
No contract truly signed
There's nothing certain left to know
And how the cracks begin to show!

Never make a promise or plan
Take a little love where you can
Nobody's on nobody's side

Never stay too long in your bed
Never lose your heart, use your head
Nobody's on nobody's side.

Never take a stranger's advice
Never let a friend fool you twice
Nobody's on nobody's side

Never be the first to believe
Never be the last to deceive
Nobody's on nobody's side

And never leave a moment too soon
Never waste a hot afternoon
Nobody's on nobody's side

Never stay a minute too long
Don't forget the best will go wrong
Nobody's on nobody's side.

Better learn to go it alone
Recognize you're out on your own
Nobody's on nobody's side.