You guys. I finally did it. I finally did what I have said I have wanted to do, what I have dreamed of doing for the past 2 years. I moved myself all the way down to the beautiful city of Charleston, South Carolina. I look around at the bare walls of my new apartment right now and think to myself how unreal it all seems. What I "resolved" to do almost a year and a half ago has finally been "resolved" so to speak; I have my own rooms, my own water in the pipes, my own food in the fridge, my own view from my own windows. This is all something that I have dreamed of for so long. And now it is all a reality.
My head spins.
I left a lot behind in Tennessee. My whole life, in fact. I hugged my family and friends all tight and sometimes tearfully said my farewells. I mean, I'm not dying or anything. I'll see them again. But it is sad. It's sad to say goodbye to the people you love in any circumstance and for any given period of time. But they are the rocks on which I stand. They have all showered me with love and support that I never ever knew existed and I am so utterly grateful. I miss them. I know they wish me well, but I miss them.
Now to address the goofy title I gave this post.
My first night alone here, I watched one of my favorite movies, Moulin Rouge. There really isn't anything about that movie that I don't love. If you have never seen it, basically what happens is Ewan McGregor, a penniless writer, falls in love with Nicole Kidman, a prostitute who has almost lost all hope in her humanity. The movie is fueled by music, nearly all covers of relevant hits from all decades. One such song featured is a lovely rendition of "One Day I'll Fly Away," sung by Kidman. I used to sing that song at the top of my lungs in my old house. I would come home after school, have the house to myself, and belt it out. And what made it special was that I meant every word.
One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends?
So as I was curled up watching the lovely Nicole sing this tune for the umpteenth time, this time was different. I paused and reflected because my life was different now than it has ever been before.
I flew away.
I still have to keep reminding myself that I am actually here, seven hours from my parents' house, Milligan, and everything and everyone I'm close to back home. I know I have only been here one week, so I suppose it's just something I'll get used to. There's no textbook on how to be strong and stand on your own for the first time in your life. Granted, everyone has advice..some good, some bad, some just downright odd, and some just downright fantastic. So far I've tried to just take it one day at a time and trust in the Lord. He is, after all, the one who led me here. He is the one who gave me the courage, the patience, the strength, and the wings to help me fly all the way to Charleston. And who am I to question a power like that?
Tonight, I'm watching Cold Mountain, another Kidman film. In this one, she's a mild Southern belle who has moved away from Charleston. Funny. I don't know. Maybe it's only funny in my weird little brain. But I thought it was an interesting parallel.
I've made some big decisions as of late. I'm confident but scared. More confident than scared. More excited than nervous. More curious than anxious. More fascinated than ever.
On the southern accent front, I've got Nicole Kidman beat. Hands down. Everything else however, well, that's up for discussion.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
.snoituloseR
You say you want a resolution?
Strike that. Reverse it.
Here's the thing... Every year, I make New Year's resolutions. And every year, I don't follow through. Last year, I wrote an entire post about all the stuff I wanted to do in 2011. And while SOME of the things managed to make it out of the starting gate (like flossing and not drinking soda), and even ONE of them I managed to actually accomplish (yes, I did in fact graduate from college), the rest did not prosper as I so hoped. Sad? Yes. Disappointing? Perhaps? Who really cares? Nadda. So I digress.
My new philosophy for this new year is NOT to make a resolution but instead to reflect and sort of have reverse resolutions...like...resolves. Realizations. Any more "r" words for that sentence, folks? Cause I'm out.
So here's a look back on a year that I have lived, grown in, learned from, and pushed me along, kicking and screaming, into what promises to be my best year ever, 2012....
I have resolved that if you (pardon my language) shit where you eat, it's gonna get you absolutely freaking NO WHERE. If you are rude, inconsiderate, ungrateful, and hateful towards the people who love and care about you, don't count on them to stick around. Part of being a friend or even a family member means taking what they give you and also giving back. I read something online recently that really struck me...
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
How true those words are. So in short, consider the people in your life in what you do and say and especially how you treat them. Life should be full of love, not hate. It seems like a no-brainer to me.
I have resolved that not everyone you meet in your lifetime is going to be your friend. This point may seem counter intuitive to the previous one, but hear me out. Not all persons walking this earth are going to be enriching to you as an individual. Some people are going to speak a different metaphorical language than you do. Maybe these people make you feel like poop about yourself. Maybe they don't understand you and put you down about how you are. Maybe they pressure you to do things you don't want to do. I don't know. Everyone's journey is different. My point is that you gotta know when to draw the line. You gotta know when to walk away. It's not a hateful thing. It's not anything except knowing what's best for YOU. Love is possible even from a distance. It's better to love from a distance than try to make everyone your BFF and get drug through the mud on a daily basis. It can also be considered a health issue. A mental one. An emotional one. Even a spiritual one. Even Jesus knew the right time to walk away.
I have resolved that the economy and job market absolutely sucked the big one this past year, and myself and my fellow college graduates got screwed. However, even if the economy and job market had been phenomenal, I am extremely thankful for my family. They have been there for me in a way I could have never imagined this past year. My family is my support and my everything. If I was really making a concrete resolution this year, I would make the resolution to somehow give back to my family even if it's just a small part of what they have given to me this year. It's immeasurable. I am a very blessed girl who, while desperate to stand on her own two feet like the grown woman she is, loves her mom and dad. Very much.
I have resolved that even though I'm working in a restaurant at the moment, I am thankful for my job and my education. I may have to work for a long time before I find a job in my field, but I'm glad my education is exactly where I want it. And I am very thankful for the job I have. There are good days and bad days, like in any job. But the people I work with are kind, hilarious, and we all care about each other. We're all in it together. Workin' for the man. I couldn't ask for better co-workers. While the next step in my life is impending, I know that when I take it I will miss the people I've come to know and love these past months.
I have resolved that the older I get, the dumber facebook gets. I'm probably a hypocrite for saying that because I'm probably not going to get rid of it (let's be honest here). In some ways, facebook is awesome. You can keep up with your friends and reconnect with people you never thought you'd see or hear from again. It's an amazing tool. That's the whole reason I got one in the first place. But it also really annoys me. It's turned into this whole big thing of relationship statuses and status updates on an hourly basis and checking in places and gossip and trends and all kinds of bull crap. What are you a fan of? Who are you subscribed to? What's on your mind? How many friends and photos of yourself can you round up? It's so much hype for such little things. I don't know why I rant. I guess just because I can... I could have ranted on facebook. But I opted for something slightly less ironic. But only slightly. I've thought about getting a Twitter...but that's like asking which is the lesser between two evils. Haha, okay good Lord dramatic rant over I'm seriously just rambling and okay I'm done.
I have resolved that life finds you. Even if you think that nothing exciting is happening in your life right now, there is. You can run but you can't hide from life. Things happen, like they always say, when you least expect them. Things work out and it blows your mind. Things don't work out and it blows your mind. With all the mind blowing that I've been through this past year, it's amazing I'm still standing. Everything happens for a reason and God has a plan for all of us and it all works together in this amazing way like we're all in this giant ant farm full of intersecting paths and tunnels and short cuts and marathon laps. It's so incredible I can't wrap my brain around it. Life finds you.
Lastly, I have resolved that you are happiest in life when you are just being you. When you aren't putting on any kind of mask or facade, you will find the truest joy. And this is coming from an actress. Weird, huh? But when you find an environment where you don't have to hide...when you find people...or even just one special person with whom you can just let go and be yourself, it fills your heart in a way you can't describe. It's so easy and freeing and sweet and simple and beautiful. It's...like love. Who knew that little old you was capable of such wonder. It's inside all of us. There is a creature lurking inside that big, thumping heart of yours that can set the Atlantic Ocean on fire. There is passion and fun and hope and rage and eagerness and music and dancing and crying and screaming and shouting and joy. Joy to the world. It was there all along. Who knew. Surround yourself with the places and people who bring that out in you. I mean...why wouldn't you. Seriously. Why. Wouldn't. You.
It is my dearest wish that 2012 brings you all your resolutions on a silver platter. And if you're like me and must simply make a few "resolves," I hope you've discovered as much about yourself as I have this year. I also hope that the world doesn't end. But maybe that threat of impending doom will fix us all to live life to the fullest every day this year. Let go of our fears and just jump. I hope the world doesn't end, but nonetheless, as they say in RENT, "No day but today."
Happy New Year. I love you all.
Strike that. Reverse it.
Here's the thing... Every year, I make New Year's resolutions. And every year, I don't follow through. Last year, I wrote an entire post about all the stuff I wanted to do in 2011. And while SOME of the things managed to make it out of the starting gate (like flossing and not drinking soda), and even ONE of them I managed to actually accomplish (yes, I did in fact graduate from college), the rest did not prosper as I so hoped. Sad? Yes. Disappointing? Perhaps? Who really cares? Nadda. So I digress.
My new philosophy for this new year is NOT to make a resolution but instead to reflect and sort of have reverse resolutions...like...resolves. Realizations. Any more "r" words for that sentence, folks? Cause I'm out.
So here's a look back on a year that I have lived, grown in, learned from, and pushed me along, kicking and screaming, into what promises to be my best year ever, 2012....
I have resolved that if you (pardon my language) shit where you eat, it's gonna get you absolutely freaking NO WHERE. If you are rude, inconsiderate, ungrateful, and hateful towards the people who love and care about you, don't count on them to stick around. Part of being a friend or even a family member means taking what they give you and also giving back. I read something online recently that really struck me...
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
How true those words are. So in short, consider the people in your life in what you do and say and especially how you treat them. Life should be full of love, not hate. It seems like a no-brainer to me.
I have resolved that not everyone you meet in your lifetime is going to be your friend. This point may seem counter intuitive to the previous one, but hear me out. Not all persons walking this earth are going to be enriching to you as an individual. Some people are going to speak a different metaphorical language than you do. Maybe these people make you feel like poop about yourself. Maybe they don't understand you and put you down about how you are. Maybe they pressure you to do things you don't want to do. I don't know. Everyone's journey is different. My point is that you gotta know when to draw the line. You gotta know when to walk away. It's not a hateful thing. It's not anything except knowing what's best for YOU. Love is possible even from a distance. It's better to love from a distance than try to make everyone your BFF and get drug through the mud on a daily basis. It can also be considered a health issue. A mental one. An emotional one. Even a spiritual one. Even Jesus knew the right time to walk away.
I have resolved that the economy and job market absolutely sucked the big one this past year, and myself and my fellow college graduates got screwed. However, even if the economy and job market had been phenomenal, I am extremely thankful for my family. They have been there for me in a way I could have never imagined this past year. My family is my support and my everything. If I was really making a concrete resolution this year, I would make the resolution to somehow give back to my family even if it's just a small part of what they have given to me this year. It's immeasurable. I am a very blessed girl who, while desperate to stand on her own two feet like the grown woman she is, loves her mom and dad. Very much.
I have resolved that even though I'm working in a restaurant at the moment, I am thankful for my job and my education. I may have to work for a long time before I find a job in my field, but I'm glad my education is exactly where I want it. And I am very thankful for the job I have. There are good days and bad days, like in any job. But the people I work with are kind, hilarious, and we all care about each other. We're all in it together. Workin' for the man. I couldn't ask for better co-workers. While the next step in my life is impending, I know that when I take it I will miss the people I've come to know and love these past months.
I have resolved that the older I get, the dumber facebook gets. I'm probably a hypocrite for saying that because I'm probably not going to get rid of it (let's be honest here). In some ways, facebook is awesome. You can keep up with your friends and reconnect with people you never thought you'd see or hear from again. It's an amazing tool. That's the whole reason I got one in the first place. But it also really annoys me. It's turned into this whole big thing of relationship statuses and status updates on an hourly basis and checking in places and gossip and trends and all kinds of bull crap. What are you a fan of? Who are you subscribed to? What's on your mind? How many friends and photos of yourself can you round up? It's so much hype for such little things. I don't know why I rant. I guess just because I can... I could have ranted on facebook. But I opted for something slightly less ironic. But only slightly. I've thought about getting a Twitter...but that's like asking which is the lesser between two evils. Haha, okay good Lord dramatic rant over I'm seriously just rambling and okay I'm done.
I have resolved that life finds you. Even if you think that nothing exciting is happening in your life right now, there is. You can run but you can't hide from life. Things happen, like they always say, when you least expect them. Things work out and it blows your mind. Things don't work out and it blows your mind. With all the mind blowing that I've been through this past year, it's amazing I'm still standing. Everything happens for a reason and God has a plan for all of us and it all works together in this amazing way like we're all in this giant ant farm full of intersecting paths and tunnels and short cuts and marathon laps. It's so incredible I can't wrap my brain around it. Life finds you.
Lastly, I have resolved that you are happiest in life when you are just being you. When you aren't putting on any kind of mask or facade, you will find the truest joy. And this is coming from an actress. Weird, huh? But when you find an environment where you don't have to hide...when you find people...or even just one special person with whom you can just let go and be yourself, it fills your heart in a way you can't describe. It's so easy and freeing and sweet and simple and beautiful. It's...like love. Who knew that little old you was capable of such wonder. It's inside all of us. There is a creature lurking inside that big, thumping heart of yours that can set the Atlantic Ocean on fire. There is passion and fun and hope and rage and eagerness and music and dancing and crying and screaming and shouting and joy. Joy to the world. It was there all along. Who knew. Surround yourself with the places and people who bring that out in you. I mean...why wouldn't you. Seriously. Why. Wouldn't. You.
It is my dearest wish that 2012 brings you all your resolutions on a silver platter. And if you're like me and must simply make a few "resolves," I hope you've discovered as much about yourself as I have this year. I also hope that the world doesn't end. But maybe that threat of impending doom will fix us all to live life to the fullest every day this year. Let go of our fears and just jump. I hope the world doesn't end, but nonetheless, as they say in RENT, "No day but today."
Happy New Year. I love you all.
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